The latter, said washing pile, has given the belly a run for its money in the expansion stakes. The cause? The comfort of our pyjamas. We’ve been lounging in them for over a week now and have ignored our clothes completely.
In my opinion this slovenly behaviour is perfectly acceptable during the festive period. After all if you can’t live in your pyjamas over the festive break, then when can you? The problem arises when you decide to vacate your house still wearing those pyjamas.
You may think it’s harmless to quickly dash to the shops or take a short drive in the car wearing your PJs. It’s not harmless. In fact my eyes have regularly been offended in the supermarket when my quiet perusal of the desert aisle is interrupted by a fully grown woman shuffling along in battered Ugg boots and some pastel terry towelling trousers.
I’ve spied worse. People walking down the high street in their sheep patterned trousers. Not only does it make me and other sensibly attired shoppers stop in our tracks, it makes us gawp in confusion as to whether the culprit realises they’ve forgotten to get dressed.
It’s officially a wardrobe disaster moment and I’ve been tempted to make a citizen’s arrest for crimes against fashion.
Instead I’m doing my bit and helping out the pyjama offenders with some Do and Don’t tips. If you can’t bear to be parted with your beloved pyjamas this January, these tips are for you.
1. Do you own a beautiful shirt or a luxury pyjama set? It’s eminently wearable outdoors. In fact in 2012 many celebs were doing just that. Check out Rihanna’s matching shirt and trouser combo for inspiration.
2. Silk is the way forward. You can wear patterned silk trousers with pumps or heels and co-ordinate with a comfortable slouchy top. Remember no Ugg boots as they will crush the silk and make it look like you just rolled out of bed.
3. Pull your hair back into a sleek ponytail or run some product through it before leaving the house. Worse than pyjamas and questionable footwear is a hedge-like hairdo added to the mix.
1. Don’t wear animal shaped onesies. They’re not cute, they’re not cool and they will never look good on anyone over the age of 12. Fact.
2. Never twin your pyjama bottoms with questionable footwear; this particularly includes the aforementioned battered Uggs, Crocs or your favourite slippers. You get the idea.
3. Don’t go underwearless – Inevitably you’ll have to get out of the car unexpectedly and the heavens will open and soak your white PJ top. I don’t need to tell you how that story ends. Flashing your neighbours is a bad move.
4. Be careful which celebrities you emulate – focus on Rita Ora and Rihanna rather than Helena Bonham Carter.
The bottom line is you are what you wear. Pyjamas are a perfectly good outfit for relaxing around the home but once you venture into the public realm you’re not giving the best impression in that crumpled twinset.
And let’s face it, the chances of you bumping into your boss, your ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend or the neighbourhood gossip is very likely when you’re bumbling about in pyjamas.
That’s how sod’s law works isn’t it?