If, like me, you enjoyed World Beard Day so much a fortnight ago that you're planning to celebrate it again this weekend and next, then you're probably also wondering why there aren't more days, weeks or months devoted to all things tonsorial and sartorial.
Scratch around and you'll find that, with a few exceptions, there are. Even better, many of them are for good causes, such as the Movember movement, which raises awareness of prostate cancer in November. (I can see why they don't do it a month earlier: Moctober sounds a little flippant under the circumstances.)
There's also National Odd Socks Day, which publicises visual impairments; National Wear Red Day, a fundraising event on behalf of the British Heart Foundation; and something called National Wear Your Clothes Inside Out Day, to support the work done by mental health charities. Nobody should criticise you for taking advantage of any them because they'd look mean-spirited and nobody wants that.
Other National Days are just pleasantly silly. March and April have Fragrance Day and Tweed Day respectively, May has National Piercing Day and in June we find both National Hoodie Day and National Flip-Flop Day. Coming up in November, meanwhile, are two that I'm really excited about: National Tracksuit Day, which deserves a higher profile than it currently has, and National Metal Day, on which fans of black, death, speed, and heavy metal can proclaim their love for that most misunderstood of musical forms. The days don't fall on the same date, of course, but I'll be celebrating both by wearing a band T-shirt, a pair of jogging bottoms and, as it's November, an exquisitely-clipped moustache. Think David Niven roadying for Motorhead on the No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith tour.
And the exceptions I mentioned? National Wear Nothing Day is the obvious one. There have been calls for it to be initiated, apparently, but I can't see it (warning: pun ahead) taking off in Scotland for obvious reasons, namely the weather, our culture of sexual repression and the small matter of whichever statute of law they use to arrest the Naked Rambler every time he strays over the Border. Likewise there is no National Wear A Replica Football Top Day (shame!), no Use A Bull Mastiff As A Fashion Accessory Week (hurrah!) and no Wear A Denim Jacket With A Tie Day (praise the Lord!). Nor are there day-long celebration of any of the following: dog collars, deck shoes, polo shirts, rigger boots, or Gore-Tex.
And on those rare occasions when there isn't a wear-this-or-that day? Don't worry, some obliging country always has a National Day when traditional costume can be employed instead. Happily, today is Armenian Independence Day, so feel free to slip into a cotton arkhaluk and a woollen chukha before you head out for the messages. Just remember to tie a big silk scarf round your waist.
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