Which British politician's face would you wear on a T-shirt?
Yes, I'm struggling to think of one too. The French, however, have no such qualms. Over the last couple of years, T-shirts bearing pictures of former president Jacques Chirac have become cult items among the Parisian cool set, it seems.
One example for sale online shows a suited Chirac vaulting a Metro turnstile and has the slogan "Gangsta s***" emblazoned upon it (the asterisks are ours, by the way). Another features a close-up of a young Chirac smoking in that hand-cupped-over-the-fag way you see outside pubs when it's blowing a hoolie. In a third he sits nonchalantly on a sofa in a three-piece suit, one leg crossed over the other. Accompanying the image on that T-shirt is the legend "French swag". There are plenty more in a similar vein.
Eyeing the trend, France's version of Rolling Stone magazine, Les Inrockuptibles, has written about "Chirac the hipster". Even The Economist has taken note: "Jacques is back" it pronounced earlier this month.
Still, none of this really explains why Chirac has become cool. After all, his presidency wasn't exactly a roaring success: unemployment hit 10 per cent, his popularity rating went in the other direction, dipping as low as 16 per cent in his final year in office, and shortly after he handed back the keys to the Elysee Palace he was convicted of misusing public funds back when he was mayor of Paris. Today, however, a new poll puts him alongside Charles de Gaulle as the French president who most epitomises optimism.
The Economist interviewed T-shirt designer Antoine Delomez, who said the Chirac trend was all about nostalgia for better times. Maybe. But Chirac's anti-Americanism probably appeals too. After all, he had the bottle to RSVP in the negative when the Yanks invited France to join the party in Iraq and Afghanistan, and it was on his watch that the French were labelled "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" by Groundskeeper Willie in The Simpsons. That's something to be proud of.
So now I return to my opening question: who's our Chirac? Online retailer Red Molotov sells political T-shirts which have politicians' faces on them, but few are celebratory in the same sense. Certainly not the one which has David Cameron done up as The Joker from Batman, or the one showing him and Boris Johnson alongside the words "Hello, hooray, I'd prefer the plague". (If you can't place the lyric, it's from Eton Rifles by The Jam).
You can find non-offensive T-shirts with images of figures from the political left - take your pick from Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro, Arthur Scargill, Nye Bevan and Bob Crow - but the idea that a British political leader of recent vintage could be turned into a serious proposition for a T-shirt seems fanciful. Margaret Thatcher, anyone? Tony Blair? Nigel Farage?
Non, merci. The T-shirt is fashion's billboard and, in the right hands, a powerful canvas. Given that, I can't help feeling our politicians should be kept well away from it. Mind you, there's one or two of them I'd love to see on a wanted poster.
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