How do we love thee, Scotch pies? Let us count the ways.

It's National Pie week: huzzah!

In honour of our dearest meat-based friend HeraldScotland presents a definitive guide to a quintet of very special Scottish pies, from the Forfar bridie to the Scotch pie.

And if that wasn't enough, we've delved into a gravy-soaked pastry archive to revive five limited edition pies we want to see more of.

Bakeries of Scotland - consider this your call to arms. Your country needs you to keep us in gluten heavy goodies, and we salute you for your commitment to the cause so far.

Five of the best Scottish pies

Mashed potato and baked bean pie

 

A source of great consternation in the HeraldScotland office as to the origins of a mashed totty and baked bean pie. While your Pie Correspondent, who herself hails from Fife, believes this to be an east coast love affair, in-depth analysis (a.k.a. repeated Googling) yields few clues. So then, for the uninitiated: a pastry case filled simply with mashed potato (very importantly piped) and a rakish dollop of beans. Know better than us where it's actually from? Answers on a postcard. Or in the comment box below.

Scotch pie

 

As stereotypically Scottish as Sean Connery and Andy Murray at a bar both avoiding paying for the next round, the Scotch pie is traditionally filled with mutton - or, more recently, unidentified brown meat. Its optimum ingestion window is hot enough to cause scalding at its core belied by a cool crispy outer, much like its sugary brethren, the McDonalds apple pie. Identifying the keen need to rank pastries from around Scotland in an official manner, the Scotch Pie Club holds an annual competition dedicated to finding Scotland's most superlative hand-held snack.

Black bun pie

 

Ever heard of the black bun pie? Us neither, but it's definitely A Thing. The black bun pie comprises meat mince (everyone's favourite non-meat mince) and proudly takes its place as one of the few sweet Scottish pies. Containing a heady mixture of raisins, currants, almonds, cinnamon and black pepper (among other ingredients), the black bun pie was apparently introduced following the return of Mary Queen of Scots from France in the 16th century. One to add to your Christmas pudding arsenal, perhaps.

Macaroni pie

 

Clad in a cheeky pastry coat, the interior of the macaroni pie is revealed with a bite: the cheesy pasta shells sit within its golden band like the curls of a flaxen haired first born child. Did you know: despite its Scottish birthplace, the macaroni pie also enjoys high levels of popularity in south United States and Trinidad and Tobago? Best served cold, slightly congealed, and out of a paper bag bearing dated shop branding.

Forfar bridie

 

A semi-circle of sheer glory, the famous Forfar bridie originates from the 1850s and boasts minced steak, butter and suet as its fillings. Due to its more 'relaxed' form (it has flaky pastry to thank for that) and flat shape, it's not technically a pie, but put pendanticism aside and consider adopting the Forfar bridie into the Scottish pie family - at least for this feature. Some are filled with onions, but warning comes by way of two holes rather than one in the top to alert allium haters.

Five pies we want to see more of...

Irn Bru pie

In 2011 the purveyor of ginger pop collaborated with Scotch Pie Champion Maurice Irvine, of Irvine's of Beith, to produce a Scotch pie infused with the drink. Created to celebrate the start of the SFL season, the mash-up was only available to purchase for one day only from the Beith butcher shop. The Herald sports desk was sent a box of these VIPies to coincide with the release - and the verdict? "This was surely the first time a room full of hacks had been presented with free food that they couldn't finish. Phenomenal right enough." Pure poetry, chaps. 

Deep fried mince pies

Twas the season to defy health warnings when, last Christmas, Reivers Fish Bar in the Borders started deep frying pretty much anything its customers demanded. A Yule log was given the treatment. A Christmas pudding was lobbed into oily depths, only to surface like a gloriously golden beached whale. And three mince pies, having been battered and fried, were served up to punters costing £1 for the trio - lending a whole new meaning to the term selling like hot cakes.

Full Scottish breakfast pie

Award-winning pie maker Pieminister sells its pastry treats through shops, restaurants and pubs. To celebrate selected rugby events, the company has historically released limited edition breakfast pies which do pretty much what they say on the tin, albeit depending on your definition of the English breakfast: baked beans, button mushrooms, smoked cheddar cheese, outdoor reared sausages and bacon locked inside a pastry case of emotion. To echo the words of the glorious Delia Smith: Scottish bakeries, let's be having you[r version].

Buckfast pie

What's dangerous and caffeinated and beige all over? That'd be your Buckfast pie. Rendalls Quality Butchers in Raploch, Stirling, created it by way of a happy accident after adding the fortified wine to gravy and being surprisingly pleased with the resulting flavour. The steak and Buckfast pie, which retailed for £1, proved such a hit that it has remained on the shelves: though it pales in comparison with some of this meat mecca's other offerings. In previous years Rendalls created a Hallowe'en pie using garlic, frogs' legs and a dash of red food colouring.

Square sausage and egg pie

Not strictly already in existence but imagine a world where the classic pork and egg pie was given a Scottish twist with the substitution of pork for Lorne sausage. King of the picnic basket, master of the deli counter - we call it the Leg pie, and we are not worthy in comparison.