At first, it's really all about what they don't have available tonight.
No albondigas, wrong prawns, scallops not delivered, sugar cane honey posted missing. Yadayadaya is what I hear as the waiter guy goes on about it, to such an extent that I'm tempted just to cheekily ask him: what have you got? But then we're given a bowl of olives and bread, and the olives? Ole.
A couple of weeks ago in Catalonia we raved about the flavours of the brined olives in bars. These are exactly the same. Doused apparently with anchovy paste then steeped in garlic and herbs for a fabulous lingering flavour - the first time I've tasted them in Scotland.
We have an ensaladilla rusa to follow - that simple and oft murdered Spanish mix of potatoes and vegetables and mayonnaise that can look like something out of a Heinz tin when it goes wrong. This goes very right and is whipped and creamy and garlicky-lovely.
Suddenly we're paying attention. Dishes now arrive in an oddly linear order - or one by one. Berenjenas con miel de cana is slivers of aubergine in a bubble light batter draped with bog standard honey - they've run out of the fancy sugar cane stuff. They are crispy crunchy light and benefit from a tiny sprinkle of salt to bring out the flavours. Piquillo peppers are rammed with carmelised onions and tuna and taste super sweet from the onions and savoury from the fish in an unusual and pleasant way.
Tiny baby squid or chipirones - the day's special - come dusted in flour and crisp and crunchy on the outside and tender inside. These are good enough that we finish them all despite them being a little bit oily at the bottom of the dish.
All the time the restaurant is slowly filling up with couples and the volume of that Spanish pop music creeps louder and louder on the sound system until it gets to the ayee-hah butt kicking level. Too loud. The chef's own croquettes elicit a grunt of satisfaction from Lindsay across the table from me on account of their creamy chicken and potato filling, and he did live in Espana. Unfortunately, the Dutch - who claim them as a sort of national dish - turned me off croquettes of all styles for ever after a short stay there years ago and nothing the Spanish do is ever going to change that.
We indulge ourselves in some heavy man chat - carbon fibre bicycles, since you ask - in the strange short intervals between individual plates arriving. Now it's patatas bravas of the cubed and fried variety with a fiery aioli, while carne con tomate is a much richer, deeper stew of pork and potatoes than it sounds on the menu.
Incidentally, La Boca is this week's TripAdvisor sensation. These do seem like genuine reviews though and word of mouth is that the restaurant is popular with Glasgow's growing and apparently 4000-strong Spanish community.
While they'll surely come for the bar-cooked feel to many of the dishes, the meal is not without its problems.
It's not the fact the menu has a good few spelling mistakes - I couldn't care less about that or even that the bacalao is actually fresh cod. But as the gambas pil-pil arrive we're told the chef apologises for the prawns - not the usual standard. He shouldn't have served them, then.
These are awful: tiny, rubbery, frozen things that look ridiculous adrift on a sea of oil and chilli. Likewise on the Spanish omelette. It completely lacks seasoning and texture.
But the secreto Iberico? This is an unusual cut of pork said to give tenderness and flavour. It comes crisp, seared, sprinkled with - a little too much maybe - sea salt on a bed of thin chips. Great taste and texture. In the end we pick at a creamy, ricey dish with cinnamon but we've already made our minds up on the food. Generally excellent.
La Boca
189 Hope Street, Glasgow (0141 237 7575)
Menu
It's tapas but not as we usually know it, made by Spanish chefs. Plenty of the usual suspects but they are done well. 3/5
Atmosphere
Spanish tiled walls in a long narrow room; a pleasantly Spanish feel though bad music gets way too loud. 4/5
Service
The owner-manager system rarely goes wrong - a bit slow out of the blocks but anxious to explain and help. 5/5
Price
Tapas prices vary from £1.50 to £6 with many at £2.50 - good value in anyone's book. 5/5
Food
When the simple stuff like the olives and ensaladilla rusa are right the rest is too. Good flavours. Probably the best tapas in Glasgow. 7/10
Total 24/30
If you know a restaurant Ron should review, email ronmackenna@fastmail.fm.
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