Not that long ago, I suggested in a TV interview that one thing that could really connect the public with the animals on show and the food on sale at the Royal Highland Show might be to have a "live slaughter" zone.
If we are to call ourselves a true born-again foodie nation, I argued, surely any squeamishness around such a natural act should be long gone.
Then, on seeing the faces of the people around me, I backtracked slightly by saying that, er, maybe just wringing the neck of a chicken would be more palatable. After all, that's possibly more acceptable since it's already been done on network television, courtesy of Hugh and Jamie.
Would killing fish, fowl or beast give our food festivals the fillip they so dearly need? How do you mount a truly memorable food event? While I acknowledge it isn't easy (it depends on the remit; some events only want to push brands), I'd also suggest you don't do it by herding people through a windowless exhibition hall and asking them to walk on tacky carpets and look at high-quality, innovative artisan food wrapped in plastic and displayed in cramped booths. Enlightened organisers and frustrated visitors know the way forward has to be better than that.
The independently run Loch Fyne and the Mhor food fairs already think outside the box: in May, Loch Fyne hosted the Celtic Cook Off between top chefs from the Celtic nations, and Mhor mounted a Festival Feast, cooked by Scots chefs Andrew Fairlie, Roy Brett, Michael Smith, Neil Forbes and Tom Lewis. The inaugural Eat, Drink, Discover Scotland at the Royal Highland Centre in September has chef Mark Greenaway on a mission to discover the secret ingredients Scottish cooks use all over the country in a commendable bid to highlight local and seasonal produce, and has also invited London-based Dundee chef Adam Handling to cook. The two UK-wide touring festivals tend to be more formulaic, though we're promised a new chilli eating challenge at the Foodies Festival in Edinburgh next month (its sole Scottish stop); the BBC Good Food Show in Glasgow in October features one Scottish chef, Tom Kitchin, among a line-up of seven, and invites nominations for Glasgow's best deli.
Apart from the annual BBC behemoth at the sprawling SECC in Glasgow, Scotland's largest city has been sadly lacking in any form of innovation. However, I do get the sense that its time is finally coming.
Event caterer Craig Grozier - chef at the late, lamented Heart Buchanan in the city's west end - is mounting a food festival that is not brand or product led, but instead focuses on the ancient, wild and natural produce so envied by the rest of the world, and the forward-thinking people who make a living out of working with it.
He's called it the Albannach festival of food and drink and it takes place on August 16 alongside the World Pipe Championships on Glasgow Green. The 36-year-old - who was born in Falkirk, grew up in Dingwall and has worked at top-notch London eateries the Ledbury and Hibiscus as well as l'Enclume in Cumbria - is pulling it together with support from Homecoming Scotland on behalf of Glasgow Life, the city council's leisure and events arm, with a view to developing it in future. The inaugural event will have a captive international audience of around 30,000 competitors and spectators.
Going by his programme, he'll deliver a modern event that is closer to such interactive grassroots gatherings as MAD (Taste) in Copenhagen than to the run-of-the-mill indoor cattle markets most of us are bored to death with. The Aberfoyle butcher Jonathan Honeyman will be literally deconstructing the haggis, complete with fresh raw lamb pluck and stomach. As far as I know no animal will be slaughtered this time around, but it's a start. The "set" will be designed by Kilmarnock outfit Kabe, responsible for the super-slick Scottish Fashion Awards, and will feature real turf seating and game birds and animals. For Grozier, it's a way of introducing audiences to the reality of the buzzphrase "field to face".
The main focus is on the west coast, as he feels it's a golden opportunity to show the world what's happening here. He's got the Galloway wild forager Mark Williamson demonstrating such things as syrups made with Japanese knotweed, and cooking plants foraged in Glasgow Green; the chef Chris Charalambous of Cail Bruich making bone marrow fudge, which he learned at Noma in Copenhagen; Phoebe Weller, aka the Roving Fromagiere, delivering a "chewtorial" on local artisan cheese; and Stuart Bale and Ali Kelsey, Glasgow-born members of the hip London bar and drinks consultancy Strange Hill, on the latest developments in cocktails using Scottish artisan brands and foraged ingredients. It's a pretty cool line-up.
If Albannach takes root, and I hope it does, Glasgow can really start to grow its burgeoning and vibrant food scene.
Visit peoplemakeglasgow.com/piping.
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