By footie of course, I mean football, our game, the one we invented, the game of legends like Dalglish, Law and Joe Jordan as well as numpties such as Peter Grant, Davy McPherson and the utterly crap but brilliantly named Crawford Baptie.
Back home, no such clarification would be necessary, but here in Australia, football means different things to different people, depending on which part of the country they live. In Victoria for instance, footie always means Australian Rules Football, whereas in New South Wales it refers to Rugby League or at pinch, Union.
Cricket has never had much currency in Scotland. I know some middle class chappies play it and we even have an national team that regularly has its arse felt by the likes of Yorkshire Reserves, The Sultanate of Oman Select and Lord Rockingham’s XI, but let’s face it, round our way cricket is generally regarded as a game only suitable for Cedric Soft and his effete mates.
Strange really, because in many ways cricket is perfectly suited to the Scottish psyche.
Josh, who’s the living epitome of one of those big, slightly glaiket-looking fellas who suddenly find themselves quite good at something, is a full forward.
Forwards, in Aussie Rules, as in most sports, are the people who make the difference. Not usually very mobile, it’s their job to catch a high ball under pressure from defenders intent on decapitating them and then, if the ‘mark’ is taken cleanly, to line up for a set shot for goal.
It’s Estadio Benito Villamarin, June 18th 1982 and after going a goal up through a David Narey speculator, notoriously described as a ‘toe-poke’ by Jimmy Hill - the bloke every Scotsman loved to hate until Jeremy Clarkson came along - Brazil has redressed the balance by giving our boys a classic football lesson they’ll never ever forget.
Lame duck Prime Minister Julia Gillard, under fire from almost every level of society in the country for a number of perceived misdemeanours ranging from wearing too many designer clothes to basically having NFI (Aussie slang: no f*****g idea), kicked it off in a speech at the start of the week.