Josh, who’s the living epitome of one of those big, slightly glaiket-looking fellas who suddenly find themselves quite good at something, is a full forward.
Forwards, in Aussie Rules, as in most sports, are the people who make the difference. Not usually very mobile, it’s their job to catch a high ball under pressure from defenders intent on decapitating them and then, if the ‘mark’ is taken cleanly, to line up for a set shot for goal.
It’s Estadio Benito Villamarin, June 18th 1982 and after going a goal up through a David Narey speculator, notoriously described as a ‘toe-poke’ by Jimmy Hill - the bloke every Scotsman loved to hate until Jeremy Clarkson came along - Brazil has redressed the balance by giving our boys a classic football lesson they’ll never ever forget.
Lame duck Prime Minister Julia Gillard, under fire from almost every level of society in the country for a number of perceived misdemeanours ranging from wearing too many designer clothes to basically having NFI (Aussie slang: no f*****g idea), kicked it off in a speech at the start of the week.
A beast is a sex offender and sex offenders have to be separated for their own protection, because given half a chance the other prisoners - all those decent, right-thinking blokes who stole cars, broke into houses, peddled drugs and started fights - would pee in their tea, crap in their porridge and roast their meat and two veg with scalding dishwater.
In every jail in every country the beasts, the blokes in the protection wing, are universally reviled and despised in a manner Jeremy Clarkson simply couldn’t envisage.
"This bloke, sounded Scottish, came up to me and called me geezer. Then he called me a fag. He was a bit pissed, mind you."
"Nah mate," I said. A Scotsman would never say geezer, he'd… now hold on a wee minute."
"Hey you. Geezafag". The authentic calling card of that quaint Scottish character, the threatening totally pissed-up ned.