The couple that cleans together, stays together, say researchers
By Kate Smith

IT is the season of goodwill to all men, but it's also the time of year when relationships are most likely to buckle under the strain of domestic pressures to be the perfect host or have the perfect house.

While the man of the house might take a lead role in preparing Christmas lunch, what counts for a happy relationship is a year-round commitment to housework, according to research.

Families in which the man does his fair share of the domestic chores are less likely to end in divorce than those in which the man puts his feet up while his partner does the work.

Modern relationships with both partners as breadwinners are put under strain when the woman is also expected to take on the traditional unpaid roles of homemaker and primary carer.

"Families in which men engage in housework are less likely to divorce," said Dr Wendy Sigle-Rushton of the London School of Economics and a member of the Gender Equality Network.

"This suggests that the active involvement of men in housework can offset the effect women's employment may have on the likelihood of divorce.

"When men take on domestic work, the likelihood decreases to a similar level to that found in couples with a traditional division of labour. What explains the link between women's employment and divorce is the inequality in the division of both paid and unpaid labour."

Families whose first child was born in 1970 were studied by researchers funded by the Economic Social Research Council. Those with working mothers were more likely to divorce, apart from those where the man was regularly committed to domestic chores and childcare.

Sigle-Rushton adds: "We know that female employment, and mother's employment in particular, can create stress and conflict in partnerships where women are largely responsible for domestic work and childcare. But most research seems to ignore the idea that men could compensate for the women's double burden by helping around the house."

Often housework is a flashpoint in a relationship rather than the sticking point, said Denise Knowles, a counsellor with 17 years' experience with marriage guidance charity Relate.

"Who does what and when really does create conflict in a relationship, particularly when both people are at work," said Knowles. "There are always a number of greater problems in a marriage, but housework is a physical manifestation of those problems. Housework is a real flashpoint for families, especially over Christmas.

"Unfortunately, even in a relationship where both work, the men often believe that the domestic duties are still the responsibility of the woman.

"Thanks to television chefs such as Gordon Ramsay men are more likely to get involved in cooking these days, but childcare, ironing and other chores are a sticking point.

"On both sides it is about feeling valued for what you contribute to the household. What does work is if the woman says help me with the chores and we can spend more time together'. It is also counterproductive to be constantly critical, accept that your partner may not be able to clean the hob to your standards."

Knowles said that, with the Christmas season approaching, if a woman feels she is being left to all the domestic chores she should speak up.

"Get others to get involved. Don't do the big martyr thing of trying to be the perfect wife. Delegate tasks and ask for help, then you will get a chance to enjoy yourself too and you are less likely to snap."

Divorce rates in Britain rose sharply from the early-1960s and stabilised at a high level since the mid-1980s. Over the same period the number of women in the labour market increased dramatically.

Nobel prize winner Garry Becker said in the 1990s that the most stable marriages or relationships are those where there are clear lines between breadwinner and homemaker as both tasks are done more efficiently.

He argued that the advantage from women's greater financial independence was "lost" to the dilution of task specialisation, making divorce more likely.