Sketch So, gentle reader, has it come to this?
The serious stuff of politics, the cut and thrust of intellectual debate over such important matters as Northern Ireland, House of Lords reform and combating crime were yesterday cast into oblivion as the Queen of Bollywood, Shilpa Shetty herself, late of the Big Brother House, arrived at the Gothic gasworks by the Thames to add a touch of glamour to the dry, dusty waxworks of Westminster.
For one MP, it was clearly the apotheosis of his political career. Keith Vaz, Labour MP for Leicester East, who is unrivalled in his pomposity - which is saying something in these parts - could not stop smiling.
His face positively glowed as he basked in the reflected glory of his heroine.
The ShilpaFest began with Mr Vaz's daughter, Anjali, placing a traditional Indian garland around the visitor's neck and the first of several media scrums for pictures and comments of the demi-goddess in front of Big Ben.
Security guards, always sporting one eye larger than the other, were none too pleased when Shilpa's expanding entourage disgorged itself onto the famous Commons terrace.
In train, were a good two dozen reporters over from India not to mention several extras from Her Majesty's Press, MPs and open-mouthed officials.
At PMQs, Shilpa was in the public gallery, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Mr Vaz - who was still smiling. It was clear the 31-year-old actress wanted to blend in, so she donned a brilliant white coat and large spangly ear-rings. The only thing missing was a big neon hand over her head with the words flashing "Cooey, I'm over here."
After 30 minutes of politicking - amazingly, the issues of racism and multi-culturalism popped up - Shilpa and her amazingly sculptured eyebrows were escorted by the grinning Mr Vaz to a 10-minute meeting with Big Brother himself: Tony Blair.
As she processed along, MPs and ministers prostrated themselves before HRH. One back bencher, who shall remain nameless, positively salivated as he grabbed SS by the hand and bowed his head courteously.
Her meeting with the PM was followed by lunch in the members' dining room with a choice menu of ministers - John Reid, Peter Hain, Tessa Jowell, Hazel Blears - who wanted to chinwag with the divinity.
Just in case things were at risk of getting out of hand, it was announced that a dessert would be named after Shilpa; a dish made up of a mix of English puddings.
A press conference in Committee Room 10 was cancelled because of security concerns over the Indian media's cameras so it was switched sharpish to the steps of Portcullis House where yet another media scrum assembled.
Shimmering Shilpa finally appeared and cooed over how Tony and Cherie had given her a signed picture of Parliament.
Describing the PM as "very kind", the actress admitted she had expected her daytrip to Westminster would be "really boring" but she insisted: "I really enjoyed it. I was pleasantly surprised."
After talking about a new book and a new film, someone in the media throng shouted to the white-coated one: "Will you marry me?" Did I notice a deep, Scottish accent? Under heavy make-up, an embarrassed Shilpa shrieked.
With that the ShilpaFest was over. Mr Vaz - still smiling - ushered his dinner ticket into a limousine for the journey to Leicester and the opening of Shilpa's very own Aids charity.
Next week: Jade Goody at the despatch box, answering questions on the politics of envy.
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