THE DIARY FRIDAY JUNE 19, 2009

GLASGOW's Stow College is celebrating its 75th anniversary this year. As part of its celebrations, it is inviting former students to write their recollections of studying there on a special anniversary message board.

We commend one student who used classic west of Scotland controlled enthusiasm to take the trouble to write: "Can't say being at Stow did me any harm."

Here today
A READER attended Ardrossan Academy's prize-giving and was impressed by how many prize-winners there were throughout all the classes. The event was going well until the inevitable happened with a prize being called and the recipient being posted missing.

Says our reader: "Not bad with only one missing out of almost 150 prize-winners.

"Just a pity it was the prize for perfect attendance."

Does what it says on the bottle
OUR story about painting a garden hut reminds Nita Marr in Longniddry of her mum painting her summer house and being asked by a neighbour what she was using.

"Cuprinol," she replied.

"I've never heard of anyone using that before," replied the neighbour.

Strange, thought Nita's mother as that is, in fact, the use for which Cuprinol is designed. So she picked up the tin to show her neighbour.

"Oh, Cuprinol!" he told her. "I thought you said cookin' oil."

The truth hurts
A READER tells us her soldier son was unhappy with the picture taken of him for his military ID. As he would have to carry it around with him all the time, he said to the chap who took it: "I want a better picture."

The chap merely replied: "Then bring me a better face."

Penny wise
AN Ayrshire reader in Dublin notices an advertisement in a shop window which states: "Irish Country Dancing Kilts - 39.99 euros, or two for 79.99 euros" and he thinks to himself: "Those Irish love a bargain."

Great offer
EDINBURGH College of Art fashion student Mairi Dryden has a story all skint students dream of. Mairi, whose work is displayed at the ECA's degree show until June 23, was approached by an enthusiastic chap who wanted to know how much a grey wool coat in her final collection was.

Flustered, Mairi went for £400, but the chap, either hard of hearing or extremely generous, immediately offered £900 to buy the coat for his other half, who hadn't even seen it.

No sign of the recession in Auld Reekie then. And, luckily, his wife liked the coat.

Crude approximation
THE tale of the house called Islay View being confused for I Love You reminds an Edinburgh reader of being asked for directions to "Crude Hall" which the person had written down on a piece of paper. He peered at it in confusion until he realised she was looking for the then British Aerospace offices at Crewe Toll.

Devine inspiration
"DID you see our MP Jim Devine above has been thrown out the Labour Party over his expenses for office improvements?" said the chap in the Livingston pub.

"Aye," replied his mate, "he's past his shelf life."