THE Edinburgh International Film Festival's closing awards ceremony at the weekend included Sir Sean Connery presenting the best British film award to sci-fi thriller Moon. While reading out the qualities that had earned the film its award, Sir Sean hesitated over his words a wee bit at the end, but then explained to his audience: "It's years since I've auditioned."

THE Edinburgh International Film Festival's closing awards ceremony at the weekend included Sir Sean Connery presenting the best British film award to sci-fi thriller Moon. While reading out the qualities that had earned the film its award, Sir Sean hesitated over his words a wee bit at the end, but then explained to his audience: "It's years since I've auditioned."

Ouch!
AND being from Edinburgh originally, Sir Sean could not miss out on a friendly dig at Glasgow after criticising the BBC for not sending any technicians to the film festival. Declining to say more about it, Sir Sean explained: "I'm not going to spill blood - I saw enough in Glasgow yesterday."

Now hear this
A SOUTH Side reader swears to us that his ageing mum was going on her first flight abroad to see relatives and was worried about the cabin pressure giving her earache. Her son told her to take chewing gum as that would help.

She later told him that she took his advice, stuffed it in her ears, and it worked a treat.

Pig sick
"DID you see that three people were sent home from the Glastonbury festival with suspected swine flu?" said the chap in the pub the other night.

"Yes," said his mate. "Who'd have thought that camping next to thousands of people and not washing for three days during a pandemic would be a bad idea?"

Breaking news
HER girlfriends looked horrified as their pal meeting them in Glasgow's Princes Square told them: "My boyfriend was on the phone and said we were breaking up."

"I was gutted. Then he said he'd moved outside and had a better signal."

Hearing is believing
COMMENTATOR Jonathan Pearce, seconds before Brazil v South Africa kicked off in Jo'burg: "There is a myth here, I don't know if it's true "

Quite.

Won't wash
A READER attending the Neil Young concert in Aberdeen thought the audience looked a bit on the older side. And then it was confirmed to him in the loo where it was the first time he had ever seen concert-going fans queuing up to use the hand-dryers.

Quick off the mark
A POLICE officer tells us that when they investigated a chap being shot with a starting pistol, a senior officer asked if the attack had been race related.

Bare-faced cheek
AH, the perils of new technology. Glasgow restaurant The Grill on the Corner on Bothwell Street had a good review in a tabloid newspaper which unfortunately had a typographical error when putting in the restaurant's website - it's part of the Blackhouse group of restaurants. The mistake meant that anyone accessing the website address given was taken to a pornographic film company instead.

Manager John Allison is still trying to smile when diners come in and tell him: "I see that your meat is well hung."