They need to work on their menu descriptions, Joe and I agree as we breezily skip the pig stomach stir fry, pass on the fresh fish head curry and decide against, for tonight anyway, the brutally named special beef flank/internal organs.
They probably sound better in the original Malay. But fast-forward 20 minutes and Joe will be announcing straight-facedly: "Never judge a book by its cover." Thus proving not only that we need to work on eliminating cliches from our man chat, but also that one dish - in this case the tung choi with belachan - can overcome a whole mountain of weirdness.
Curiously, at the time the tung choi arrives we will have been glugging - while pulling various startled faces - a drink called mango sago and coconut. This Malaysian speciality involves sucking flavoured jelly beads up a special fat straw while splurges of mango and coconut juice arrive at random intervals and at machine-gun speeds. Strange but weirdly good.
Weirdly good was not our first impression of the Golden Palace, though. When we strolled in here we were momentarily stopped in our tracks by what looked like a cosy domestic scene unfolding before us. Women chatted, young children did their homework at a table and cartoons blazed at an insane volume from a telly on the wall at the side of the restaurant. Awkward? Kind of. Did I mind? Nope. I was partly brought up in the back of the family shop where ice-cream compressors grumbled and dad made amazing toasties for us in special heat-proof bags. When we were not there we were often in the back shop of my Nonno's cafe in Glasgow. There, pasta was cooked, relatives dropped in and life carried on in between serving the counter and making ice lollies. Something loosely like this, actually.
The decor here? Funny you should mention that. We have spent time debating whether it is modelled on a ski chalet or a mini cab office. And I have not yet mentioned that from the outside neither the Golden Palace nor this part of Possil is looking its best right now. In a certain kind of light - daylight, say - it looks suspiciously like a rundown takeaway in a rundown area.
But? Let's get back to those long slender strips of tung choi or water spinach, not to be confused, incidentally, or so we have just been told, with bok choi, en choi, gai choi or ong hoi. Or was ong hoi just another name for tung choi? Anyway, this water spinach comes flash-fried in Malaysian shrimp paste, heaped high in a steaming platter that's all dark greens and flecks of what looks like chilli and explodes with salty, sweet, savoury, fresh and deliciously deep, dark flavours. Fabulous. We had both come back simply for this, we agree, even though the cartoons have now been replaced by a Malaysian movie at full volume, watched not by the kids but by a guy sucking down a bowl of noodles.
To distract us we have a cumin pork belly, which is rich and sweet and full of spice; a perfect nasi lemak of sweet coconutty rice too, all chilli paste, cucumber, crisp-skinned chicken, fried peanuts, half a boiled egg and even some anchovies. Okay, it is normally a breakfast dish, but who is counting this evening? There is a spicy sambal-covered boiled egg and Malaysian sweet and chilli chicken wings on the table, crisp and powerfully flavoured. And the waitress has been at pains to point out all is freshly made here, and by that I think she means not from the local Chinese cash and carry. I believe her.
There is a tidy and clean-looking little kitchen through the back, from which the chef gave me a friendly wave, that I passed as I wended my way to the toilet. Okay, it is not exactly a mainstream night out, nor is it even somewhere you could come for a relaxing meal, but flavour-wise? For the very, very adventurous? It's actually right up there.
Golden Palace
6 Possil Road, Glasgow (www.goldenpalaceglasgowonline.co.uk, 0141 332 5888)
Menu
Real Malaysian dishes. Deep-fried fish head with curry, a great nasi lemak and stunning tung choi with bellachun. There's Chinese food too. 4/5
Atmosphere
Looks like a Chinese takeaway but if you don't mind the telly blazing away, the cafe atmosphere and challenging decor, it's interesting. 2/5
Service
Seems like a family-run business with a friendly mum serving customers while watching her kids and chatting to relatives. Fine with me. 4/5
Price
Maybe not as cheap or as hugely portioned as billed on t'internet, especially considering the location, but £9 gets you a sizeable main course. 3/5
Food
Makes up for all the other defects. Conversation-stopping, scarily authentic Malaysian dishes packed full of punch, authenticity and great flavours. 8/10
TOTAL 21/30
If you know a restaurant Ron should review, email ronmackenna@fastmail.fm.
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