This week, the first spears of Scottish asparagus - named 'albaragus' - were harvested from a farm in Inchinnan after two farmers decided last year to plant 30,000 asparagus crowns and see what happened.
The vegetable is notorious for preferring dry weather conditions - not ordinarily found in the farm's Renfrewshire location. However, the farm's produce prospered and the farmers behind the venture - Robert Ritchie and James Mackie - are now proud to call it a success and can list themselves among the handful of Scottish farms growing asparagus.
Name 1: Albaragus.
Name 2: Asparagus.
Name 3: Asparagus.
Brand 1: Barnhill Farm.
Brand 2: The upmarket supermarket where wages go to die.
Brand 3: A supermarket whose name rhymes with Gwyneth Paltrow's blog. Kind of.
Price 1: £3 per 250g bundle.
Price 2: £2.50 per 200g bundle.
Price 3: £1.69 per 170g bundle.
When picked 1: Less than 24 hours ago.
When picked 2: Unspecified.
When picked 3: Judging by its looks, age more difficult to determine than Cher's.
Where grown 1: A field minutes from Glasgow airport, an area usually reserved for clandestinely winching air stewards (probably).
Where grown 2: Wye Valley, by the Chinn family. This isn't just any Chinn family, either. This is the M&S Chinn family.
Where grown 3: An unspecified region of Peru. Anywhere in an area measuring 1,285,216km2, then.
Appearance 1: A slim and sinuous body topped with a quiff Elvis would envy.
Appearance 2: Supersized, with an on-trend purple to green ombre effect.
Appearance 3: As thick and off-green in colour as a gangrenous finger.
Smell 1: Nothing.
Smell 2: Clean.
Smell 3: Kissed by angels. Angels wearing detergent flavoured lip-balm.
To touch 1: Like a magic wand.
To touch 2: Like a rubber band.
To touch 3: Like a dead hand.
Taste test 1: Sweet and crisp. Eat raw as a snack.
Taste test 2: Squeaky on the teeth but relatively mild. Eat raw if nails down a blackboard don't bother you.
Taste test 3: Neutral flavours to begin, finishing in a bitter after-taste. Eat raw if you hate your taste buds.
Barnhill farm's 'albaragus' is available to buy from the farm's on-site asparagus hut. Find out more on the business at facebook.com/BarnhillAsparagus