I am hurtling through the Clyde Tunnel in Glasgow at warp speed.
I streak past cars, the curved walls a blur as I reach the lowest part of the subterranean passage, deep below the river, and rocket up the incline towards the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes me 10 seconds to cover the 762-metre distance, less than a quarter of the time it should take at 30mph. Don't worry, officer, I'm sticking to the speed limit. It's just that I couldn't resist winding the speed up by 400% on this little video I shot.
I'm using the Go Pro Hero camera, a favourite with extreme sports fans and assorted outdoor enthusiasts. I've seen videos on YouTube of them being used by snowboarders, sky divers and even surfers but I wanted to see how this tiny, fragile-looking bit of kit coped with the hostile environment of a motorcycle.
Loading article content
I was testing the full rig-out, which came in a sleek black box that James Bond would have been proud to own. It had a daunting array of accessories: harnesses, attachments, mounts, cases and leads, but it turned out to be fairly easy to work out, especially after watching the online tutorials.
After charging the matchbox-sized camera via the USB, I put it inside the heavy duty plastic case, which is rated for use at 150mph plus, and took it outside. I attached one mount to the end of the handlebars and another to the mirror stem for different views. Adding another mount allows me to swivel the camera round in a different direction. It's very flexible and you can face the camera forwards or backwards.
I pull the chest harness on, and fit the camera there to start with. The controls are simple: one big round button to scroll through the menu - video and stills camera - and another for the record button. Both can be operated while wearing leather gloves. After a moment or two standing in front of it, waving my hands round pointlessly, I set off for a tour of Glasgow's top spots, deciding to skip the Burrell Collection and Kelvingrove Art Gallery and head to the Clyde Tunnel. A couple of women on the bus on Sheildhall Road give me funny looks and point at the bike. I hope it is the camera they're talking about but it could be my fashion sense; my Arlen Ness jacket is not to everyone's taste.
I reach the tunnel and drop a gear, the words of the Game of Thrones meme in my mind: One Does Not Simply Go Through A Tunnel At Low Rpms, and take the the Clydeside Expressway. I'm heading for Junction 18, onto the Kingston Bridge heading south. I love the corner at the top of the flyover. It's the closest you'll come to flying on two wheels, outwith the world of the Red Bull X-Fighters. I take the corner, with Glasgow falling away beneath me, then I'm onto the bridge, crossing one lane, two lanes, three lanes, then home.
I plug the camera into the computer. I've got around 40 minutes of very high-quality video and I want to edit it to less than 1 minute, 30 seconds. I call on my technical support team - my 13-year-old son, Finlay.
He installs Lightworks, a free movie-editing software. It has myriad editing tricks but we restrict ourselves to speeding up and slowing down sections, which is fun, and add it to YouTube.
There is plenty of online foootage of stunt riders using Go Pro cameras and they would be boon for a track-day addict. It could certainly help any commuter wiped out by a 'Sorry Mate, I Didn't See You' driver but the real beauty would be tackling Glencoe at dawn, or Applecross's Pass of the Cattle, and having a lasting memento.
See my video at youtube.com/watch?v=-4OjIIeMiL8 or search for Glasgow by motorbike
Go Pro cameras start at £199.99. The Black Edition is £359.99 at greavessports.com
Perth Bike Nights
I used to live in Devon where the weekly Pagniton Bike Night attracted hundreds of motorcyclists and raised thousands of pounds for charity but Scotland has lacked such regular meets - until now.
Craig Babington, who was born in Plymouth, has set up Perth Bike Nights. The first one in April saw 352 riders turn up at the Noah's Ark leisure park and he's decided to make it a monthly event on the last weekend of the month until October.
The next one is this Saturday, starting 6pm. Entry costs £2, and the money raised goes to the Scottish Air Ambulance. It's basically a chance to grab a burger - veggie options available - and have a chat and look at lots of bikes. One of the highlights last time out was a single cyclinder Moto Guzzi in miltary colours.
This Saturday's raffle has weekend tickets for British Super Bikes at Knockhill and next month's will be for a Harley Sportster 1200. See Perth Bike Nights on Facebook or follow on twitter @perthbikenights
Send me your news to firstname.lastname@example.org or follow on twitter @garryscott7