MICHAEL PHILLIPS

My dad went to prison in 2006. I was confused because to me, one night my dad was there watching a movie with me and the next he was gone. My mum would always tell me stories that he was away working or he was away to a factory to make money. We were living in Ireland when it happened, so he was in an Irish prison.

When we moved back to Glasgow I remember saying to my mum, “Why are we going back home?” She would tell me my dad was going to work away and that we had to go back home because my granny missed us. It didn’t make sense to me.

The first time I saw him in prison was hard. I was only eight. I didn’t know he was in a prison. We flew to Belfast. There were sniffer dogs, searches on visitors, metal detectors and fingerprint scanners. Once you get there you have to take out all your stuff, say who you’re visiting, put your stuff in lockers and you’re left in a waiting room. Then you’re put into a van and taken down to another waiting area.

Before I knew it I was taken to my dad. I was scared, worried, anxious and paranoid. I’d never seen anything like it before.

On the flight home I asked my mum, “My dad’s in prison, isn’t he?” She confirmed it.

For years I didn’t know why. I had my own theories. There were bits of the story that would start to add up and over the years I put them together to make my own story.

I found out the truth when I was 15. Until then my parents would sugar-coat it but I remember asking my mum and she said to ask my dad. So I asked him on my next visit and they told me everything.

When I found out it was more relief than anything else. I cried. Not because I was upset but because I was relieved somebody had told me what had happened. He had been sentenced to 14 years for murder.

For the longest time before my dad went to prison I didn’t really like him. I don’t know why. After I was told everything, I felt closer to him and that I could speak to him more. Now I know the truth I want to talk to him more. I want to know more about his past. He’s Irish and was involved with the Ulster Volunteer Force and I want to learn more about my family history.

The worst thing about not having him around, especially as a child, was seeing people with their dads. Seeing them being picked up by their dad at school and especially on Father’s Day.

My life has been different from others because of this. When my dad was sent away I was suddenly the man of the house. It was me who had to take care of my family and I was only a kid myself. When he left I had to mature a lot but that’s a good thing, all in all.

If my dad hadn’t gone to prison I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I can take this as a positive to shape myself for the future.