Doner Haus, Glasgow

ACHTUNG baby, somebody famously once said, and they could easily have been speaking about German food. You’re talking to a person who, on the long drive home from Italy in recent summers, has made Germany the main stopover before the Amsterdam-Newcastle ferry.

What have I learned? We should probably have turned left when we got to the top of the fabulous Gotthard Pass. To the casual traveller anyway, Germany is dreary and grey, including even classically beautiful but indescribably dull Heidelberg where we spent a couple of dank days and where we were brazenly and memorably ripped off to the tune of 12 euros for plain German tap water.

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That’s not the only reason we have vowed never to drive home via Germany again and instead pay up to ride the silken French motorways but it is a factor.

Another is this: frankly Germany is far too like Britain. So like Britain perhaps that the best of their culinary culture comes almost entirely from their brilliantly resourceful immigrant communities.

READ MORE: the best, and worst, of Ron's reviews

Certainly the tastiest things we ate in Heidelberg and in Koln the year before came out of the German kebab restaurants.

OK, Doner Haus here actually seems to be an English chain copying a German kebab restaurant, in Scotland but the ever-changing restaurant scene is nothing these days if it’s not all about mash-ups. And we diners do like something different – for a while anyway. There’s a gaping hole not far from here which Byron, another breezy restaurant chain, oh-so briefly occupied.

Donar Haus then is one of those weird places that looks cold, glassy, modern and uninviting from the outside, but once inside with its leaf covered wall, kitschy decor and long tables full of drinking studenty-types is actually pretty pleasant.

There’s a genuine elephant’s leg – as we used to call it anyway – on the spit with hopefully higher quality meat than the usual corner shop kebab joint. Waiting staff flit about carrying beers on trays, passers-by pause to gawk in the windows, and huge platters of food glide by our table.

As always nowadays there’s an explanation of how things work to be endured before ordering but after that it’s all relatively straightforward. Luca and I side stepped the currywurst – we did actually once detour into Germany just to get one – on the grounds that it's just ketchup with curry powder and never that good.

READ MORE: the best, and worst, of Ron's reviews

And instead dive into the mixed chilli doner; a heap of Berliner doner meat, another heap of chicken schwarma, rocket salad, red cabbage, schwarf (hot) sauce, all served stuffed into a truly giant wedge of fluffy fladenbrot, itself studded with sesame seeds. Mein Gott. What is this you may be wondering? An explosion of meat, sauce and bread, richly flavoured with a decent crisp to the meat, a huge plateful from the kiss-me-quick end of the market.

The bratwurst Platte is even more of that with a bratwurst sausage and a toasted flat-bread instead of the bread triangle. On the side there are Kreuzberg fries consisting of chips with garlic olive oil and parmesan. These sound better than they look or taste; the hard dry cheese tumbling to the bottom of the dish, the oil not really adding much to the whole experience.

The kebaps, as they are known in Germany, can’t be accused of blandness, being no doubt staggeringly unhealthy but flavoursome and filling and yet not excessively fatty.

If you’re thinking this is man’s food then have a look around this place tonight. I make the mix of sexes to be about 50/50.

We pretty much clear our plates and consider if we had been served this in Germany we probably wouldn’t have complained.

OK, it’s yet another global copycat attempt to give people what they want irrespective of where it comes from but who are we to knock that? For all I know there may be a thriving Scottish curry hoose in downtown Berlin.

READ MORE: the best, and worst, of Ron's reviews

Doner Haus

90 West Nile Street


0141 353 0988

Menu: It’s the German kebab, which if you didn’t already know is the doner and its many cousins served on giant German breads or with fries. And trimmings. 3/5

Atmosphere: A glass barn at the corner of West Nile Street isn’t the most promising spot, but they’ve done a reasonable job of making it both kitschy and comfortable. 3/5

Service: Prompt, pleasant, straightforward. You'll have no complaints. 3/5

Price: They haven’t gone mad with the pricing, haus doner starts things off at £7, bratwurst platte hits £12, fries at £3.50. 4/5

Food: OK. It’s at the kiss-me-quick end of the culinary market with large portions and punchy flavours. Just don’t mention the calories. 6/10

Total 19/30