Life and Nothing But: Sorry really was the hardest word, then. After five days of twisting himself in knots of regret, Gordon Brown finally got round to a proper apology for the scurrilous McPoison-Draper e-mails.

• SORRY really was the hardest word, then. After five days of twisting himself in knots of regret, Gordon Brown finally got round to a proper apology for the scurrilous McPoison-Draper e-mails.

The PM's apology came on the same day the Director of Public Prosecutions decided Tory MP Damian Green would not face charges for his gross impertinence in holding the government to account over immigration. Do we think the two news events were connected, boys and girls? Do bears fertilise woodland areas?

Despite spending half a lifetime next to Blair, Brown too often gives the impression of having learned close to nada about image management. Damian McBride was the proverbial accident waiting to happen. That Brown should have worked so closely with him for years, yet be unaware of what kind of character the man had, defies belief. He might as well have appeared before the cameras and said of McBride: "He seemed such a quiet man as well. Always kept himself to himself."

Labour has always been a tribal party with a siege mentality. It has had to be. A party can't fight and win battles like the one to set up the NHS if it doesn't work together as one. It couldn't have endured the wilderness years of the 1980s, attacked from without and within, without a ferocious will to survive.

Brown's trouble is that he has never felt in a strong enough position to leave the childish ways of the gang behind. Witness his reorganisation of Downing Street to create an open-plan "war office". Not since Bart Simpson built his treehouse has one boy's dreams been so fulfilled.

It says a lot about Brown, good and bad, that he has kept the same staff around him for years. He can pick winners, certainly. Regardless of what you think of their work as ministers, the two Eds, Balls and Miliband, who were Brown's researchers in opposition, are smart cookies and decent chaps. It's his other pals, the McPoisons of this world, that reflect so badly on his judgment.

The pity is that he is too old to change his ways now. Blair was ruthless enough to cut ties he no longer required; Brown severs some only to acquire more.

He will never walk away from his tribe within a tribe, not even when the country shows ever more obvious signs of walking away from him.

• SUSAN Boyle, the sensation of this year's Britain's Got Talent, is learning the hard way the truth of that old saying from the TV show Fame. All together now: "Fame costs, and right here is where you start paying."

Miss Boyle has already been befriended by Amanda Holden, a development that could have sprung from the imagination of Stephen King. Oprah is said to be super-keen to have the chanteuse on her show.

Now she has acquired her very own celebrity stalker. Susan, meet Demi Moore: she's your number one fan.

The Ghost star and her husband Ashton Kutcher chatted electronically about Susan on their Twitter feeds, directing readers to YouTube clips of BGT. "This just made my night," said Kutcher. "You saw it made me teary!" the former Mrs Bruce Willis responded.

This is all very sweet, but slightly worrying as well. What if Ash and Dem should take it upon themselves to visit the object of their affections in her home town of Blackburn, West Lothian? If they should start calling, writing letters, sending her teddy bears?

The bold Susan seems to be one step ahead of their game. Told about Demi's interest, the lady from Blackburn said: "Who?" That's right, Susan: treat 'em mean, keep 'em less than keen. If all else fails, get a restraining order.

• YOU don't have to look far for the main causes of divorce today. Money worries, infidelity, an unshared liking for Barry Manilow: they all play a part in the unhappy whirl.

To that list we must now add Russian babes. Mel Gibson is allegedly the latest rich and powerful man to be seen in the company of a stunner from Siberia way, an activity now known as "doing a Ronnie" after the Rolling Stone who left his wife for a Russian 20-year-old. Against all odds, though, the Ronnie Wood/Ekaterina Ivanova pairing seems to be going well. Her family have even given the 61-year-old rocker a pet name: "Ronik". Presumably there is no Russian phrase for "silly old goat".

• A HUGE thank you to the ladies of Largieside Women's Rural Institute in Kintyre who were subjected to my wittering the other night. The welcome was toasty, the cakes magnificent and the questions worthy of Kirsty Wark at her sharpest. A lovely evening. I had nursed hopes of one of them adopting me, but nae luck. Oh well: I'll just have to carry on sending those letters to Madonna.