It's the fastest growing phenomenon on the internet. Twitter allows friends and fans to stay connected through the frequent answers to one simple question: What Are You Doing? Twitterers can now get vital information about when Stephen Fry gets into a lift or when Andy Murray has breakfast. However did we managed before?

And today, the Sunday Herald takes Twitter to a new level with world exclusive access to Her Majesty The Queen's personal twitter feed, which you can access on @corgimaj.rex. These were Her Majesty's musings on the ceremony marking the 10th anniversary of the state opening of the Scottish parliament.

One has a rotten cold. Could be swine flu. Lot of it about in Scotland one hears. What is One doing here?

One is standing about waiting for vehicles to take one to the parliament.

One is still standing about waiting. Where is that silly man? Philip, as usual, is buzzing about like a demented stick insect. I wish he'd stayed at home.

In car. One never fails to be depressed by the sheer ugliness of the Holyrood parliament building.

Philip says it is like a half-finished Lego house. Why DID they have to put it in front of One's palace?

One has had audience with rotund figure resembling Shrek who claims to be One's first minister of Scotland. Seems very pleased with himself.

What happened to that tall chap Dewar who never took his hands out of his pockets and always ate all the canapes?

We are not amused! Scottish parliament is virtually empty owing to MSPs buggering orf. Civil servants bussed in to fill gaps, but One is not fooled.

One is informed that MSPs have been on vital parliamentary business inspecting canal towpaths, reading emails and attending a cricket match in Belgium.

Dreadful strumming of guitar and badly sung Burns. One even misses the bagpipes.

If One hears another reference to inclusive, accessible and empowering parliament, one will sick up.

Children making lot more sense than the politicians - and they've given up their birthdays to be here.

At last, back in Holyrood Palace. Perhaps union of crowns is not such a good thing after all. Wonder who's in next in line to the Scottish crown? Curious young man called Murphy appears claiming to be the secretary of state for Scotland.

Murphy fellow says I should consider locking Alex Salmond in the Tower for treason. And the no-show MSPS.

Find that Tower is being used for corporate events and not available till 2014.

Learn from radio something-or-other that some woman MSP has said that it's easier to come out as gay in Scotland than to come out as republican.

Well closet republicans can rest easy because there won't be many Royals coming out to Scotland in future.

At last. Release. One is out of here.