MINDING his own business and seemingly completely at ease with the world, I spotted my friend's brother standing in Glasgow Central Station.

He's a lovely chap with an easy manner, the sort of floppy blonde hair you'd love to ruffle and a ready grin. I was delighted.

So I did what I always do on spotting someone I'm fond of - I gave him a hearty hug. It was only on walking away that doubt set in.

I don't have an easy manner or ruffly hair or a ready grin. What if he was no more pleased to see me than he was to see the ticket attendant on boarding his train? What if, all the while I was firmly gripping his upper torso, he was silently screaming "Get it off me!"

I'm often completely delighted to see people and respond by launching myself at them.

The pecking order of delight is arbitrary - it may be someone who made me laugh some time in 2003, it may be someone I don't know particularly well but who sparkles on Facebook, it could be someone I admire but who really has no idea who I am.

On reflection, this is probably completely inappropriate, squishing yourself on to the upper half of someone who has never once intimated their desire to be squished. You could possibly call it slightly desperate.

But is there an official etiquette to the meeting in the street of humans of low-level acquaintance? Unless it's a first-time meet or a formal setting, a hand shake is off the cards. Too formal, too stiff, too risky (what if you're off-puttingly sweaty or they've just sneezed into their hand?).

Cheek kisses are a peril. The air kiss belongs to 90s supermodels. If you have a glut of 90s supermodels in your extended social circle then hurrah to you. For the rest of us, an air kiss is beyond cringe.

But what level of cheek-to-cheek touching is deemed appropriate? Too much and you at the mercy of their foundation - a hot day and you might lean in for a polite kiss and leave them lopsided: smudged and pale on the left, smooth and beige on the right. Too little and you're back to air kiss territory.

Do you go British-style or continental? British style (one kiss on one side) leaves you at less risk of picking up a bit of excess sebum but makes you look unworldly and poorly travelled.

One kisses on each side is a signifier that you know how it's done on the continent but makes you seem to be bearing a little bit of UK cringe.

Do you just go for the lips? (Never just go for the lips.)

This, this is a minefield. I plan to ignore everyone then text them later to apologise.