READER James Miller from Orkney was down in London for Andy Murray's ATP semi-final match against Roger Federer in the O2 arena.
Says James: "A broad Scottish accent behind me yelled out, 'Gie him laldy Andy!' The English lady next to me turned qizzically to her husband and asked, 'What on earth does Aldi have to do with Andy Murray?'"
Back to normality
MEANWHILE his mum Judy has finally been voted off of Strictly Come Dancing. She seems to be taking it in her stride. Yesterday on social media she posted a picture of a calorie-laden cake and declared: "Lavender and pear sponge with fresh cream and red currants.
Normal service is resumed."
Simple confusion
OUR tale of the police arresting mourners at a wake reminds retired officer Alan Barlow in Paisley: " On Friday and Saturdays nights in Greenock we used to take a police van round to pick up people for various minor transgressions. The trouble was that by the time we got a van full of prisoners back to the office we had forgotten what some of them had done. This was rectified by asking which one was in for attempted murder. Those who replied in the negative had obviously committed a breach of the peace and those who either replied in the affirmative or not at all were drunk and incapable.
"Happy days."
Salmond souvenir
STORAGE company Len's Self Storage beautifully wrapped a street bollard outside the Scottish Parliament in a cardboard box as if it was one of their items they were collecting in a subtle advertising campaign. It was in a row of bollards so you could work out what it was. A passer-by studied it for a few moments then observed: "That's some souvenir Alex Salmond's taking with him."
Early arrival
DONALD Macdonald from Bishopbriggs was lucky to spend a sunny few days at Millport at the weekend where, looking for something to do in the evening, he popped his head into one of the bars offering entertainment only to find it was empty. Donald asked when the entertainment was likely to get going.
"Easter," replied the barman.
Not worth a lot
THE space probe which landed on the speeding comet has now gone into hibernation. Some cheeky chap has now put it for sale on the auction site eBay with the description: "Highly complex spacecraft with on-board laboratory, solar panels (requires sun), inter-stellar communications pack. Power system, Thermal control system, Landing gear, Anchoring system (faulty).Buyer must collect item from it's storage location on Comet 67P."
So far the top bid is only £5.50.
Surely not offensive
GREAT to see Bob Geldof back on the telly, passionately publicising the new Band Aid single to raise funds to tackle Ebola in Africa. A chap in a Glasgow pub yesterday, referring to Geldof's combative style, told his pal: "Apparently Bob Geldof said an offensive 'B' word twice live on Sky News."
"What? Bono?" asked his pal.
Don't ring us
OUR run of bad jokes has prompted John Sword to tell us: "I knew a guy who started up a dating site for chickens, but he had to give it up.
"He couldn't make hens meet."
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