THE stage version of BBC comedy series Still Game has just finished its phenomenal run at the Glasgow Hydro.

On the last night the actors playing the sprightly old duffers, Greg Hemphill and Ford Kiernan, threw their pensioners' bunnets into the crowd. "You'll get 11 or 12 pound for that on eBay," Ford helpfully told the lucky audience-member who caught his cap.

Special delivery

A VISITOR from Shetland tells us he took a taxi to Govan where the driver passed the time by pointing out city landmarks. When they passed the BBC headquarters at Pacific Quay the driver said: "Do you know what we call the BBC Scotland building? The box the Armadillo came in."

Hair today gone tomorrow

WE like the sales pitch of former Glasgow Art School student Flore de Hoog, originally from the Netherlands, who is opening a vintage clothing shop Beautiful Cosmos, in the south side's Nithsdale Road. As she describes it: "There's also a beauty salon in the basement. I thought people would like to come and get their hair done, and then ruin it by buying a dead person's hat."

Ukip for the incontinent

MUCH debate after Tory defector Douglas Carswell won the Clacton-on-Sea by-election. We are still trying to track down the claim that one voter in a television interview said: "Yes I voted Ukip - the Tory MP has done nothing for years."

And a reader tells us: "My dad says the road signs in Essex used to read 'Harwich for the Continent', referring to the ferry service to Holland, which gave rise to the long-standing joke, 'Clacton for the incontinent'. Nothing changes, eh?"

Card shark

RETIRED journalist David Scott tells us (and who are we to doubt him): "Overheard in a Partick gift shop. 'Do you sell With Sympathy cards?' 'Yes we do.' 'Good. Could I swap this Get Well Soon card I bought earlier?'"

Opening night impact

KIRKCALDY businessman Bert Caira has sadly died after a lifetime of running entertainment venues in the town with his family. He started the legendary Jackie O's disco, brought The Beatles to the Fife town in 1963, and opened the Raith Ballroom.

We like the affectionate way that Bert's wife May describes the opening of the ballroom in her local newspaper, and how it took a while to become established. Said May: "Only six couples turned up at the opening - and even then there was a fight."

Dead funny

GOSH, some folk are getting a bit panicky about ebola. Stand-up Simon Evans sees a funnier side. He tells us: "Imagine if your name was Tom Bola, and you got fed up with all the jokes about your name. So you changed it to Edward."

Old trouper Cameron

AS we marched back into National Service stories, entertainer Andy Cameron swears to us that a slightly deaf private doing his National Service was on guard duty one night and shouted out: "Who goes there?" Continues Andy: "On hearing the reply, 'Army Chaplain approaching' he fired his rifle. As the private turned over the body he muttered, 'Aye, Charlie Chaplin my backside!'"