WE mentioned Freshers Week, and a reader in Maryhill saw a Waitrose van doing a home delivery to a student flat.

A young chap walking past declared: "Your time in Lidl will come."

Wild at heart

SCOTS fiddler Bruce MacGregor, just back from a tour of Canada, says he was performing in Jasper when the Richard Thompson song Beeswing was introduced by singer Andrew Hillhouse as: "This is a song for any man who has met a woman that's too wild for them."

An enthusiastic woman in the front row shouted out: "Well that's all of them in here then!"

Cross purposes

A READER in Hyndland was impressed that his teenage daughter was trying a simple crossword in a magazine until she asked: "How many letters does 'toast' have?" When he confirmed it was of course five, her face fell, as the word she was looking for had only four. "What's the clue?" he asked.

"Egg on," she replied.

Safe bet

IT will all be over tomorrow. Yesterday's referendum news included the fact that bookies Betfair, founded by major Tory Party donor Edward Wray, is paying out on a No vote. As one Yes supporter put a brave face on it: "Ha ha. Easy to do when no-one has backed No."

Bright sparks

A READER is still trying to work out the chap he overheard in Glasgow's Buchanan Street, who told his pal: "The vote's going to be close. It's about 50/50. Or is it the other way round?"

Elsewhere, one of the politest put-downs we heard was the two friends going hammer and tongs at each other over the referendum until one of them finally said: "I'm not telling you how to think. I'm just politely asking you to try it some time."

Family values

TRYING to explain the Prime Minister's recent trip to Scotland, a reader says: "Scotland, for David Cameron, is a bit like an old granny he never visits. He suddenly turns up when there is talk of her going, just in case he can get in the will."

Hard to swallow

SO what's happening away from the campaigning? Gordon Law tells us: "At the final of Largs Bowling Club Ladies Championship, one of the players took some painkillers with her on to the green because of a headache and took a couple of pills. After the match she realised she had in fact swallowed the chalk she carried to mark the bowls. Naturally everyone told her she looked 'chalk white' after losing the final."

Cage fight

THE death of politician and preacher Ian Paisley reminds George Kirkland of when he was running auditions for the Scottish Youth Theatre in a building overlooking George Square in the 1980s and the Rev Ian was addressing a crowd in the square.

Says George: "The artistic director, Gareth Wardell, had brought along his parrot in its cage, and with the windows being open due to the heat, the loud voice of Ian Paisley annoyed the parrot, perhaps because of the volume, the Rev's accent or because it disagreed with the sentiments expressed.

"As a result, it started to emit loud squawks at a volume which matched that of the Rev Ian. The youngsters who were auditioning seemed to take it in their stride and it was probably a good indication of their concentration under pressure. In the end, I put the parrot ahead of the Rev by a short beak."