PERTHSHIRE'S Bruce Fummey won the Scottish Comedian of the Year title at a gig in Glasgow against 11 other contestants.
We remember Bruce, pictured, doing a gig at The Stand club before the referendum when he railed against all the folk who were warning of the dire consequences of a Yes vote. Said Bruce: "I saw in The Herald that it was going to be a bad year for midges.
"I think it was a No campaign advert."
Take your seats
READERS were intrigued by The Herald story claiming Alex Salmond might stand for a seat in Westminster at the next General Election. One phoned to ask: "Is it a case of, if you can't beat them, join them?"
Drinks are on me
IT was the funeral last week of Jim McCarron, popular landlord of the Oakbank Hotel at Sandbank on the Holy Loch. A local tells us: "As the death was sudden, police attended, and a family member, anxious about the legal status of the alcohol licence, particularly with a wake to cater for, asked for advice. He was relieved to be told that, in the circumstances, there ought not to be an immediate problem as, technically, the licensee was still on the premises.
"Jim's wife Kirsten, who is now running the pub, says the remark would have appealed to Jim's sense of humour."
Long ago and far away ...
A GLASGOW father tells us his daughter recently returned from a trekking holiday and excitedly told him that they were in an area so remote they had no internet for 48 hours. He muttered to her that he never had any internet for 48 years, but she wasn't listening.
Beyond hope
BIRTHDAYS can sometimes be tricky occasions. A Glasgow reader confesses that he bought his wife flowers from the garage on her birthday, and she accused him of not going to much of an effort.
He now concedes that asking her if it meant he was "a hopeless romantic" didn't actually help.
Health hotline
OUR occasional stories of phone calls with mothers. Ian Power tells us: "My mum phoned to tell me about the health of three people I've never met. This sort of thing happens a lot."
Flight of fancy
A READER gets in touch: "Is it possible to get a seat as a tourist on one of the RAF's daily sight-seeing flights over Iraq?"
Fool's paradise
CONSERVATIVE MP Brooks Newmark, who stepped down as a Government Minister after posting rude pics of himself, said in a newspaper interview that he had been "a complete fool".
A reader phones to tells us that his complete answer had actually included: "Joining the Conservative Party. What was I thinking?'
Keep it buttoned
"EVERYONE keeps saying that women are smarter than men," said the loudmouth in the Glasgow pub the other night.
"But when have you ever seen a man wearing a shirt that buttons up the back?"
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