SINGER Alvin Stardust has died, which reminds us of when he flew up to Scotland for a charity gig a few years ago from London, and a British Airways official insisted that he needed some photo ID to board the plane.

Alvin argued that as four BA staff had just asked for his autograph, that was surely proof of who he was.

But the official insisted. Alvin had to send home for his passport, caught a later plane and was picked up hours late at Edinburgh Airport - still signing autographs.

Sobering thought

A GROUP of pals in a Cumbernauld pub the other night were discussing all the foolish things that happened on their various wild nights out, until one of them opined: "In fairness to alcohol, I've done some pretty stupid things when I've been sober as well."

Garage gig

AS rehearsals for school Christmas concerts continue, a group of Lenzie mothers were talking about the aural onslaught of their young ones learning musical instruments. Finally one of the mothers confessed: "I used to tell my daughter that the garage had the best acoustics for her trombone practice."

Brow beaten

GETTING old continued. Donnie Rodgers in Glasgow tells us: "The day I knew I was getting old was when my barber asked me if I wanted my eyebrows done too."

One for the pot

THE growing number of deep pot holes on the roads is proving controversial. We hear of one Ayr resident who, having seen four complaints to South Ayrshire Council about a particularly deep hole in the road outside his house ignored, took action. Word is he planted a small tree in the pot hole - which was repaired by the council the very next day.

Canny caddy

STILL no word of any agreement that millionaire Dave King should take over Rangers. We remember former Rangers director Alastair Johnston explaining that he introduced King to then-Rangers owner David Murray after meeting King at a golf tournament in Hawaii. King, a rich accountant and businessman, had volunteered to caddy for Arnold Palmer, a boyhood hero. Alastair took great delight in phoning Murray and telling him: "I'm in Hawaii with a caddy from Castlemilk who wants to put millions into the club."

Murray replied: "Have you been up all night drinking Mai Tais?"

What's up, croc?

THE GMB trade union is holding a "Crocodile Tears" tour to shame the big construction companies who blacklisted trade union activists from getting work. Richard Leonard, the GMB's political officer in Scotland, has emailed staff looking for a volunteer to wear a crocodile suit at the protests in Glasgow and Aberdeen next week. His email ends: "No time-wasters please!" We're not sure why, as surely wanting to stand around dressed as a crocodile is the ultimate in time-wasting. We suspect it is because the volunteer has to be of average build, and we can't stop ourselves thinking the average old-style trade union official is more traditionally built than that.

Seasonal suggestion

WHAT is he getting at? Bruce Skivington in Gairloch writes: "Annual signs of autumn. Along with leaves falling, birds flying south, Ken Smith plugs a new Diary book."

Is he perhaps referring to The Herald Diary: It's a Stoater, published by Black and White, for a mere £9.99?