AMONG the best reactions to Partick Thistle's new, David Shrigley-designed mascot yesterday:
* Lisa Simpson has really let herself go
* I think someone dropped acid into my cornflakes!
* I'm sure the weans will learn to love it after they have their therapy
* A professional artist did that? I genuinely thought a kid had won a competition
Surely the way is now clear for Jake and Dinos Chapman to devise new mascots for the Old Firm.
PARIS Saint-Germain's larger-than-life striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic yesterday launched his new fragrance. Absolutely no truth in the rumour that it has top-notes of sweaty sports sock and Ralgex.
What smells could other footballers market as their fragrance?
WE liked this recent tweet from Stephen Colbert, the US comedian and television host.
"Does anyone know where we can buy one of those '100 Days Without A Workplace Accident' signs?" he asked. "Ours has a lot of dried blood on it."
ACTOR Gerard Butler has reportedly spent nearly £600,000 on a luxury bachelor pad near Eastwood Toll, Giffnock. Which is good news in itself, though not as good as the fact that someone apparently saw him in the Asda store at The Avenue shopping mall.
Cue a flurry of excited comments on the Facebook page of Mearns Gossip Girls.
"I saw him today at Silverburn"; "I thought I saw him in Waitrose ... "; "Wouldn't have a bloody clue if I tripped over him!"; "I'd love to trip over him"; "I heard he was in the Orchard Park last night..."; "I had him round for dinner tonight!"; "Haha, a lookalike going around loving the attention! Lol!"
Someone ended the fun by saying that Butler had, in fact, left the country. "Damn!" another gossip girl responded, with feeling.
SPEAKING of Giffnock, a Diary correspondent reports seeing a hand-written sign on a lamp-post there, reading 'Models required for trainee eyebrow tattooist.' As she told us: "If there is one thing absolutely guaranteed to raise eyebrows in Giffnock, it's a sign like that."
AUTHOR Ian R Mitchell was once in Queens Park when he saw a Glaswegian, the worse for drink, sit down next to two Norwegian girls. Sensing their anxiety, Ian decided to keep a Galahadish eye on them.
He needn't have worried.
The stranger, quickly establishing that they were here on holiday, asked them to name five famous Scots and quickly rattled off a dozen names. He then took the girls - and Ian - by surprise by asking them for five famous Norwegians. And he named some, too: Ibsen, Grieg, Amundsen, Munch and Quisling. The latter, though, he added with a flourish, "was a ------- and hardly coonts."
Having achieved his desired effect, he walked off, writes Ian in his new book, Walking through Glasgow's Industrial Past. It was a great example of what he calls the Glesca' floorshow. Any other examples we should know about?
WELL, that's certainly one way to spell the surname of our First Minister. As to the identity of the culprit: it wasn't us, guv. Honest. Spotter: Patrick Mannion
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