DOCTORS' tales continued. 

 

Says Blair Miller in Clarkston: "A friend concerned about frequent memory lapses took his worries to his GP. His doctor told him the he was suffering from 'TMB'. Asking for more information, he was told, 'Too Many Birthdays'."

WE mentioned that unique rust remover and lubricant WD40 and the unusual uses it is put to. James Fenton in Oban tells us: "We once had a dog, a Westie, whose long fine hair tended to ball up when walking the hills in snow. Once the balls of snow reached a diameter the same as the length of his legs, he ground to a halt. The solution was to spray his hair with WD40 which stopped the snow balling-up and so solved the problem!"

Naturally while we find this story entertaining, we do not suggest, hint or condone any spraying of any animals with said liquid. Be responsible out there, pet owners.

WATCHING television with the old folks can be a bit of a trial at times. A Glasgow reader tells us he was watching a crime thriller with his mum when she suddenly asked: "What's this DNA they're talking about? Is it not a shop? Oh no, wait a minute, that was C&A."

TRAIN conversations still continue to amuse. A south side reader on the train into Glasgow heard a teenage girl earnestly tell her pal: "I don't know how to act my age. I've never been this old before."

MOTHER'S Day is a week on Sunday - you're welcome, although confusingly in America it doesn't take place until May. Edinburgh author Irvine Welsh, who spends a lot of his time in the States these days, admitted: "Got confused and once sent the Old Girl a United States Mother's Day card with 'Mom' on it. Got a 'What the hell is this?' response back."

WE wrote about Scots artist Jack Vettriano at a book-signing event, and John Mulholland tells us: "I was at Kelvingrove Gallery with my three-year-old daughter at his exhibition, and Jack was there signing copies of his book. So, I asked him to write 'To Grace Mulholland from Jack Vettriano.' He looked at me and said 'Can ah no' just write 'To Grace'? Perhaps the pink stegosaurus she was waving in his face put him off?"

SO the Scottish Government is to make it a law that you must have your dog fitted with a microchip under its skin so that it can be traced if it gets into trouble. A venerable English newspaper reported a few years ago that a Chinese restaurant in Doncaster feared it was losing an enormous amount of business after an urban myth grew that a diner had choked on a dog's microchip while eating there. All nonsense of course. We wonder how long it will be before there is a microchip-in-Scotch-pie mythical story in Scotland after the law is passed.

A COLLEAGUE wanders over to interrupt us with: "My mum always read me the riot act when I was an exuberant youngster.

"Worst bedtime reading ever."