AS ithers see us. Glasgow-based author Deedee Cuddihy has brought out the book "I Love Tunnock's Tea Cakes" in which Scots' love affair with biscuits is embraced. We read of foreign student Anna who explains: "We don't eat so many cookies in Slovakia, and we don't dunk them. I saw another student bite the end off a Twix and suck her coffee through it. It looked disgusting. Of course I didn't say that to her. She was Scottish and I wanted to be her friend."

SOME things you can just imagine. We read on the Twitter account of the traffic police in Dublin: "Driver drove past a red light at 9.10pm. Excuse given was his wife told him to be home by 9.15pm."

POOR old Madonna tumbling down the stars at the Brit Awards after getting caught in her cape. As comedy writer Limmy remarked: "Just asked Madonna to help the campaign to save the steps at the Buchanan Galleries. She asked if I was f****** joking. I didn't think. Cringe."

OUR tales of the late great lawyer Joe Beltrami remind a fellow lawyer of Joe once explaining that as a young boy and Celtic fan he convinced his parents to let him go to an away game at Hearts. His dad drove him to Queen Street station and told him to get off at Tynecastle and follow the rest of the Celtic fans. On arrival the young Joe tucked in behind a group wearing green-and-white scarves and paid his way into the ground. It was only inside that he realised that he was in fact in Murrayfield having followed Irish fans attending a rugby international.

As the gatekeepers refused to give him a refund, he had no additional cash to go to nearby Tyncecastle, so stayed and watched his first game of rugby instead.

WE should end our stories about Joe with the time his law firm partner Willie Dunn was getting fed up with Joe going on about how many folk when arrested told the police "Get me Beltrami." "Why is it," asked Willie, "no one ever shouts to the police, 'Get me Dunn!'"

OVERHEARD on way into Glasgow, continued. Says STV journalist Stephen Daisley: "Girl on train was talking about Glasgow University's library. 'It's just 12 floors of endless books - and you can't even talk!' she said. Yes, that would be the general idea."

A READER hears a chap in a Glasgow pub declare: "In ancient Greece the work gymnasium meant naked exercise. But try explaining that to the receptionist at the David Lloyd club."

NOT everyone was impressed with the erotic film Fifty Shades of Grey. A film buff swears to us: "The lady sitting next to me pulled out her glasses and asked if she'd missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren't rolling yet."