WE mentioned the death of Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy, and Mike Ritchie tells us: "Some of my folk musician chums at Celtic Music Radio were chuckling when they read the LA Times obituary for Leonard Nimoy, where it revealed, 'Nimoy's Ukrainian-born father Max, who ran a barber shop in a Boston tenement neighborhood, tried to warn his son about the dangers ahead of an acting career. 'Learn to play the accordion,' he urged. 'You can always make a living with an accordion'."

AMERICAN singer Madonna, in the news for taking a tumble down the steps at the Brit Awards, will be appearing at The Hydro in Glasgow in December it's been announced. Goodness, there are some steep steps there. Take care of yourself, Madge. Anyway her visit to Glasgow reminds us of a Glasgow reader who was buying stamps for Christmas cards one year and the assistant in the Post Office told him that he had offered a customer the choice of two Christmas stamps - either reindeer or Madonna with Child. "Aw, gie us Rudolf," the customer replied, "Ah cannae staun' that Madonna wumman, takin' thae weans away frae Africa."

THE Herald's Quotes of the Day yesterday included actress Juliet Stevenson: "We are being governed by a bunch of people who have never waited for a bus in their life." Says reader Dougie McNicol in Bridge of Weir: "It reminded me of a story about a public transport debate in the House of Lords. A hereditary peer was giving his opinion when a newby left-winger accused him of never having used a bus. The peer said he'd rectify that at the end of proceedings that very day.

"Sure enough, he was seen to leave the House and go to the nearest bus stop. He got on the first bus that arrived and said to the driver, '24 Russell Square, please'."

A READER tells us he heard a young woman on the train into Glasgow come out with a very honest admission when she told her pal with her: "Honestly, I'll take your secret to the grave." Then added after thinking about it: "Unless I'm drunk, and revealing it will give everyone a good laugh."

OUR mention of the closing-down sale at Crocket's the Ironmongers in Glasgow's West Nile Street reminds a reader that the last time he was in Crocket's he bought a can of the great rust remover and lubricant WD40. When he got home he was intrigued about what WD-40 contained. He looked up the company's website which didn't really give him any information about its content, but instead revealed: "Police officers used WD-40 to remove a naked burglar trapped in an air conditioning vent."

How many cans did it take we wonder.

WE often have stories from the tricky world of dating. As Gary Delaney says, to many moans: "Everyone at my handwriting class seems to male and single. So I guess I can tell my female friends that it's a great place to meet illegible bachelors."

SO yesterday we talked about the number of people who couldn't stop themselves from remarking on how they couldn't believe it was March already. Now a reader confesses: "I just did that thing where you notice at this time of year that it's still light at half five in the evening and feel compelled to mention it to someone despite the fact that I've experienced the same thing happening for fifty years now."

AND a daft gag to end the day as Scott Hoad tells us: "What do you call a Frenchman stuck in a lift?

"Well, a lift engineer of course, as you would for anybody stuck in a lift."