SWELTERING down in London apparently.

New Dundee MP Chris Law was valiantly wearing his thick tweed three-piece suit in the House of Commons. When asked why, he stoically replied: "I'm accustomed to more inclement weather".

That perhaps explains, as John McDermott points out: "A BBC radio presenter asked the forecaster on his show, 'Where can you go to avoid the hottest weather?' 'Scotland' comes the unsurprising reply.

DRINKS company Diageo selling the rather splendid Gleneagles Hotel reminds us of how excellent the staff are there. A Scottish businessman tells us he was having a drink there with friends, and he wanted to show off his very expensive gold Rolex watch. After passing it around he then bragged that it was water-proof and plonked it into his pint of beer. At that point they were called through to the restaurant, and in a state of slight inebriation, he forgot his gold watch.

Half-way through dinner a waiter glided over with a hotel embossed envelope, quietly said "This is for you sir," and inside was the watch which the bar staff found after thinking the beer glass was a tad heavy.

Now that's class - unlike the businessman of course.

A READER swears he heard a woman in a Glasgow coffee-shop tell her pals: "I don't mean to brag, but I managed to finish my 14-day diet in just two days."

DEBBIE Harry of Blondie fame was 70 yesterday. Yes, hard to believe. We remember that she was playing at Glasgow's SEC exactly two years ago on her then 68th birthday, and at every gap between songs the Glasgow crowd would break into a chorus of "Happy Birthday."

Anyway, we always liked the story of Debbie appearing at a show in England and was browsing in the town's local market before the show. Everyone was packing up and a grumpy chap selling shoes on his stall was a bit agitated that Debbie, whom he did not recognise, was dithering over his shoe display before eventually buying a pair. After she left a fellow stall-holder rushed over and told him: Didn't you know that was the famous Debbie Harry?" "Could have charged her more then," was the soor-faced chap's reply.

HOUSE names continued. Says Alan Payne in Dundonald: "We have a retired friend who has a house in Cyprus called Llamedos. We thought this was a strange Spanish sounding name until we were told to read it backwards."

MOST newspapers are on social media these days bragging about their stories. The Herald of course has some great stories to tell, but even we have to admit that the Los Angeles Times message yesterday: "Woman gets lost in a forest, gives birth, fights off bees, accidentally starts a wildfire, then survives on apples" is a bit hard to beat.

THE author of often-mocked soft-porn fiction 50 Shades of Grey, EL James, foolishly went on social media, inviting questions from her adoring fans for her to answer. Never a good idea. Amongst those asked, which EL was strangely quiet in responding to, were:

Which do you hate more - women or the English language?

Do you find it ironic that you write as if someone has tied you to a chair and forced you to?

A lad once punched me on a night out. Does that mean he likes me? Should I have gotten his number?