A BOOK on the history of Glasgow's Govanhill Baths which local demonstrators saved from council plans to close it, is published this month by Luath Press, entitled United We Will Swim. Amongst the stories about when the baths were in operation is former staffer Joe McFadyen who was sent in the pool to look for a diamond ring a distressed swimmer had lost. Recalled Joe: "I dived down to the stank and picked up a marble, and then a sticking plaster with a bit of chewing gum on it with the ring stuck to the chewing gum. When I surfaced my boss said it was no a marble but a glass eye someone had lost a fortnight ago. So I got two for the price of one."

Chewing gum and sticking plasters - you can't beat the good old days, right enough.

TEENAGERS think they have a tough life. A reader hears one complain to his pal: "My mum told me to load the dishwasher as she was too busy to do it herself she said. So how come she had the time to stand there all the time and give me instructions on how to do it?"

SOMETIMES folk form Glasgow stereotype themselves without any help from outsiders. A reader sends us a newspaper cutting of a letters' page contribution which reads: "Thanks to my mate Jamie who helped deliver my son whilst I was down the pub. You're some guy! - Jamie, Glasgow."

A BIT of a do was held at Stirling Station this week for the official launch of Abellio taking over the ScotRail franchise. Before the train to Aberdeen was flagged off, speeches were given, and tables of food and drink set up for the various dignitaries. Says our man in the crowd: "Just before the driver pulled his train out the station, colleagues crammed a selection of goodies from the platform tables though his cab window, including a lollipop which the lucky driver licked away in style, before responding to the VIPs waving the green flag."

SAYS Dougie McNicol in Bridge of Weir: "A pal came into the pub in a foul mood. 'A young upstart manager from head office said I had to come to terms with new technology and that I was a dinosaur. I was so gobsmacked I didn't really get the chance to say what I was thinking.' He took a swig from his drink then added, 'Wait till he sees the cheeky fax I've sent him'."

A READER swears to us she was in a Partick supermarket where two student-types were buying some goods with one of them loading some fruit into a plastic bag and then taking it over to weigh it. "Don't put a knot in the bag," his pal shouted over. "It will weigh more."

Eh?

A DESULTORY conversation was taking place in a Glasgow pub about what folk would do if a time machine was ever invented. Eventually one chap piped up: "I'd go back to certain conversations with my wife to see if she really did say the things she later told me I'd forgotten."

WRITES reader George Crawford in West Kilbride: "On reading The Herald story about Paul McCartney composing his songs in the toilet, I couldn't help thinking about The Beatles' psychedelic hit 'Loo Seat In the Sky With Diamonds'. Maybe even 'Spend a Penny Lane'. Sorry Ken."

WE feel sorry for the people losing their jobs with DIY suppliers B&Q planning to close up to 60 stores across Britain. But as a reader tells us: "Terrible news. But I did wish in The Herald's story that a spokesman for the company had simply replied: "Sorry, this isn't my section. I'll try and find Sharon for you. I don't know where she's gone. Sharon!"