OUR stories about curries at the Kohinoor have whetted the appetite of readers.

Brian Adams recalls: "I was a cop in Anderson when my mate assisted an Asian family. The young son, aged about eight, was the translator, and he offered my colleague some pakora that the gran was making. 'Maybe just a wee piece,' said the officer. The wee boy spoke to his gran, and a few minutes later gran comes out with pakora between two slices of bread.

"'What's this?' says the officer. 'It's your piece in pakora,' explains the wee boy. It was eaten in silence with an amazed audience gathered round the settee."

MORE snow on its way. Blair Miller in Clarkston tells us: "Last week two guys were laughing at another pal's choice of outrageous flamboyant Norwegian knitwear during the cold snap and one suggested he brought back memories of The Heroes of Telemark, the wartime film where Kirk Douglas and Ulla Jacobsson sported loud jumpers. 'More like The Heroes of Primark,' decided the other.

THE music festival, Celtic Connections, is still going strong in Glasgow. We hear that Michael McGoldrick, the great flute player, finished his show at the Concert Hall then went along to guest at the Mitchell Theatre - only to discover he had forgotten his flute. Our Celtic Connections contact explains: "You'd think it might be the first thing he'd check for, being the main tool of his trade, but hey, these things happen. It did, however, require a rally-driving volunteer to make the return trip between venues in under ten minutes to collect it. Asked by what route this record-breaking feat was achieved, our source would only divulge that 'there were a lot of lanes involved'."

STEVEN Gladstone tells us that he was visiting Legoland where a female visitor embarking on the submarine in the park accidentally dropped her mobile phone into the pool which is packed with sharks and rays. The submarine ride had to be shut-down and no fewer than five wet-suited members of staff were despatched to retrieve the phone from the water. Steven heard a Glasgow voice behind him remark: "That's a whole new slant on dookin' for apples."

WE must shut the lid on our foreign toilet tales, but before we do, a reader in Cumnock says: "My mother and a venerable old aunt were on a coach trip in Austria. After a long afternoon on the bus my aunt spotted a sign for a toilet. On entering she found there were no doors on the cubicles, but she was desperate and the end stall offered her some privacy.

"Meanwhile the bus party were being advised not to use that toilet as it was being refurbished. At this point my aunt realised the toilet wouldn't flush as it hadn't been plumbed in. Being the grand old lady she was she cleaned the toilet with a newspaper left behind by the workmen and smuggled it out to a bin outside. Strangely the rest of the bus party gave them a wide berth after that."

THE press release for Glasgow crime novelist Alex Gray's new novel Keep the Midnight Out refers to a "seal killer" on the island of Mull. Sounds exciting, but a short while later the press release was reissued with the killer being changed to a "serial killer". It seems that killing seals is going too far.

A CLARKSTON reader asks: "I use cucumber eye gel, pomegranate lip balm, avocado moisturiser, grapefruit soap, and lemon and lime shampoo. Would they do for my five a day?"

COUNCILLORS in Edinburgh were discussing legal highs causing death and violence in the city, and agreed a motion that mentioned the Westminster Government. Up stepped Tory Councillor Dominic Heslop to demand that it be changed to British Government "because it's legally more accurate." Labour convener Councillor Ricky Henderson suggested a compromise, and the motion now reads "UK Government."

On such major issues do Empires stand or fall.