OUR tales of misunderstandings remind George Wilkie of working as a researcher for a BBC documentary team from London filming evictions who interviewed an old lady in Gorbals. Says George: "She was sitting in middle of dreadful tenement flat - no ceiling, no power, with her son looking on. The young director turned to the son asking, 'And why didn't you help, Tommy?'

"He replied, 'Ah wus in Peterheid.' 'Oh', she said, 'On holiday?' 'Naw,' was the riposte. 'Murder'."

ONE of the joys of young children is telling them whatever you want. A reader walking his dog in Rouken Glen Park the other evening heard an exciteable toddler ask her mum: "Can we go to the waterfall?" This would have involved a bit of a trek up to the back of the park, but the mother answered sorrowfully: "No darling. I'm so sorry, we can't. They switch it off at night."

CONGRATULATIONS to the principal of St Andrews Uni, Louise Richardson moving on to become vice-chancellor at Oxford. She never did get her round of golf after complaining about being excluded from the Royal and Ancient Golf Club in the town for being a woman, and having to put up with male members waving their club ties in her face.

Anyway, Louise once told The Herald that when she worked at Harvard earlier in her career she sometimes had to take her young daughter to faculty meetings in the evening when she had no one to look after her. She said: "Everybody was very embarrassed by what I was doing so nobody acknowledged it. Someone would say, 'So Louise what do you think of Clause 5, subsection D?', and I would think oh God, that's the one Ciara's eating under the table."

FOLK are still angry about the levels of corruption being revealed at football organisation Fifa, with calls being made to boycott their competitions until Fifa is sorted out. As Al McFarlane says: "We in Scotland can hold our heads high. We've been boycotting the World Cup finals since 2002."

GOOD to see Tommy Sheppard, former boss of The Stand comedy club in Glasgow, getting praise from all parties for his bravura maiden speech in the Commons yesterday. Tory Justice Secretary Michael Gove says Tommy's background as a comedy club owner will stand him in good stead for "the jokers in this place." Before his speech Tommy was fuming about the SNP MPS being told off by the Speaker for clapping the other day. As Tommy put it: "So we've just been told off for politely applauding whilst the Tories shout and bray like delinquent children - apologies for being normal."

ALL those SNP MPs are certainly having an effect on London. Mike Fagan was passing The Speakers pub, just up the road from Westminster, where the chalkboard outside yesterday stated: "Today's special. Haggis, neeps and tatties". And not even an explanation for Londoners on what neeps are.

WE mentioned the Highers being on just now, and a teacher tells us: "I was trying to reassure one of my pupils after a test. 'No matter what the result is', I said, 'it's not the end of the world. Nothing is the end of the world, except of course the end of the world'. Confusingly, she looked even more upset.

"Her pal then says, 'Oh don't say that. She's terrified about the end of the world. The thought of it keeps her awake at nights'."

A HERALD story on Govanhill mentioned Peter the Parrot who was kept in Pearson's hardware store on Victoria Road. A reader tells us: "We were in Pearson's one day and Peter was calling out, 'Co-al, co-al,' which puzzled us as they didn't sell coal. However an assistant told us she had taken Peter home while the store was having alterations carried out, and Peter was copying the coal merchants which had been going up her street."

It reminds us of the Glasgow chap who acquired such a bird, and spent his time teaching it to say: "Help! They've turned me into a parrot!"