THE programme for the Glasgow International Comedy Festival in March has been launched, with 400 shows at 46 venues. Eleanor Morton, who is bringing her show Lollipop to Blackfriars, was flying out to Berlin yesterday for a performance, and told us: "Did you know that big tartan shawls are in fashion? It makes this airport look like a futuristic re-telling of the Highland Clearances."

WE note that in the political magazine Scottish Left Review, Scottish Labour leader Jim Murphy is compared by columnist Vladimir McTavish - no, of course it's not his real name, he has a political comedy show at the Stand in Edinburgh - to outgoing Rangers manager Ally McCoist. He writes: "I find it surprising that Jim Murphy is a fanatical Celtic fan - especially as he strikes me as being the Ally McCoist of Scottish politics - put in charge of a once-great Scottish institution, for decades the most powerful in the land, but now on the skids because of years of successive mismanagement. A lame-duck leader who inspires confidence in no-one."

Gosh, not sure if that is more insulting to Jim or Ally.

TALKING of Rangers, their fans are furious that Newcastle owner Mike Ashley is to loan £10m to Rangers in return for security over Ibrox Stadium and the Murray Park training ground. As reader Barry McCormack in Motherwell commented in a rather jaunty fashion: "Today's the day the teddy bears have their pitch nicked."

WE mentioned the teapot lid being stuck down a lavatory which we found odd until senior citizen John Bannerman explained: "In days of old, almost everyone emptied their teapot's used leaves down the pan, and teapot lids were a major cause of blockages. One old farmer in Kilwinning, after sending several times for an expensive plumber, to have yet another lid removed from the pan, said to his wife, 'Ah didny ken you weemin had lids on your backsides'."

WE should end our proving-your-identity stories with a Chic Murray tale. Says Ian Barnett: "When the teller asked Chic for identification he produced a mirror, looked in it and said, 'Yes, it's definitely me'."

THINKING about your summer holidays while the wind and rain batters your windows? A reader says he was contemplating taking his wife on a cruise this summer, but when he told his mates, one of them replied: "I've been on that ship. I wouldn't say it was old, but its original insurance covered it for fire, sinking, and falling off the edge of the world."

THE Scottish Government's Early Years Initiative, PlayTalkRead, has created "30 Things to laugh at before you're three" which include: "Tickle Dad's toes with a feather. Get Dad to give you a piggy-back and chase Mum around the park. Pretend to be a tickle monster and tickle Dad's tummy. Do your dad's hair - make sure you use lots of pretty hair clips! Get Dad to do his best impression of a jellyfish."

Is it just us, or is being a dad a lot more difficult these days?

MUST be hard being an estate agent and thinking of something new to say. Stephen Gold spots an estate agents spiel for a pricey flat in Glasgow's West End which it describes as: "A space for living, gathering and relaxing, creating an intangible sense of something that already exists, something undeniably new that carries something already known within it, creating a sense of community within a long standing community, as well as most importantly a sense of place."

Stephen wonders if it is the most ludicrous estate agents description. Any others out there?