OUR story about the psychic night in Ardrossan being cancelled "due to unforeseen circumstances" reminds a Glasgow lawyer: "The late and much missed Willie Dunn of Beltrami and Co was once consulted by a well known newspaper psychic and reader of stars about an alleged contravention of the Road Traffic Act. 

 

'What do you think I'll get?', asked the lady. 'You tell me.' was Willie's response."

FORMER Scots Tory MP, and now MP in Kensington, Sir Malcolm Rifkind, has been suspended from the party after allegations of offering his services to a Chinese company for cash. Perhaps he's finding it financially difficult after losing his job as Foreign Secretary. We always liked his line when he was asked about the culture shock of going from Government to opposition. "It hits home," said Malcolm, "when you climb into the back of your car, and it doesn't go anywhere."

ANYWAY, we've always liked Malcolm's son Hugo who wrote a very funny column for The Herald before moving to London and The Times. Yesterday maverick MP George Galloway couldn't resist tweeting after the story about Malcolm: "Has Hugo Rifkind got anything to say? He's normally loquacious."

Top marks to Hugo for replying: "Thanks for asking, George. I suppose I'd just say I salute my dad's courage, strength and indefatigability. Hope this helps." Those who follow such things know of course that Hugo merely quoted George's crawling speech to Saddam Hussein. Right back at you, George.

NAUGHTY bank HSBC which was accused of helping British customers avoid tax by hiding their money in Swiss accounts, has seen a drop in profits to just over £12bn after what it calls a "challenging year." Or as writer David Schneider put it: "HSBC have just announced pre-tax profits of £12.1bn, which boils down to £12.1bn after tax."

THE Scotland Office must have time on its hands as it has produced a list of "14 reasons to love Scotland" which it has posted on-line. Yes, whisky, Robert Burns and the scenery are all there, but they must have run out of ideas very quickly as number six is "Brussels sprouts". Eh? It goes on to explain: "Scotland is a key producer of Brussels sprouts - over 800 hectares of the divisive vegetable crop are grown each year."

Macaroni pies also make the list as they "are a peculiarly Scottish delicacy which are virtually unheard of south of the border." Haud me back, as they say.

SPORTS news, and England beat Scotland by over 100 runs in the Cricket World Cup. James Martin, south of the border, helps put it in perspective by telling us: "Celebrating England beating Scotland at cricket is like being 'delighted' that you can beat your six-year-old son at arm-wrestling."

WRONG addresses continued. Ellen McGarrigle admits that her own surname can be a bit of a challenge. She tells us: "I phoned to order a copy of a kitchen brochure. Despite carefully spelling my surname and using the phonetic alphabet to reinforce how it was spelled, the brochure duly arrived simply addressed to 'Mrs Ellen'."

WE end with a piece of whimsy as a student in Partick tells us: "Imagine if your fridge did to you, what you did to it, and every hour it came to your room, opened the door and stared at you for a couple of minutes before going away again."