ALREADY a few Christmas nights-out have been held in town - we suspect bosses who left the booking too late and this was all they could get.
Anyway a reader was in a Glasgow restaurant where there was an office group in Christmas hats. Suddenly one woman shrieked across the table: "If you don't have anything nice to say..."
Our reader thought she was giving a colleague a telling off, but she then added: "Come and sit next to me. I like a good gossip."
TOILET rolls continued. A reader tells us about a contractor in part of the Ravenscraig steelworks some years ago who was fed up with toilet rolls being stolen so replaced them with torn up sheets of newspapers. A shop steward went to management with a sample piece of the Evening Times sports pages which had been provided and declared: "You know as a Celtic supporter I'm no fan of John Greig, but do I need to rub his nose in it?"
The toilet rolls were reinstated.
THE new drink driving lower limit in Scotland reminds Paddy Steel in Elie, Fife: "There was a pub in Fife which had a sign which I thought was a good rule to follow. It stated, 'If you think the bar staff are pretty, don't drive home'."
DIFFICULT time of year with Christmas on its way. A Newton Mearns woman was heard telling her pals on the train into town: "I'm getting a Christmas present for my cleaner and my hairdresser of course. But should I also get a present for the girl who does my nails?"
A friend imperiously replied: "They should be giving you something for all the business you give them."
We're not sure if that's a compliment or not.
RANGERS manager Ally McCoist getting some pelters these days for recent results. As ScottishComedyFC joked on Twitter: "McCoist's downfall has probably been signing a team that he can still keep up with in training."
ANGELA Barnes tells us she was in a shop of a large coffee chain where a woman came in for a job interview. The manager asked if she would like a drink before the interview started. Says Angela: "She asked for tea. Rookie error lady."
A READER fears that some young people are not too caring. He heard a young woman showing off her engagement ring to a pal declare: "If only he had given me the ring last week I could have shown it off at my uncle's funeral."
CHANGING one letter of a film to make an even more interesting one.
Bravefeart - the heart-wrenching story of an undecided voter??s Indyref ballot-box agony (Fiona Norris).
Lulu - A small band of British soldiers is surrounded by a shouty wee Glasgow wumman selling cosmetics (Douglas Jessiman).
Gregory??s Giro - Janitor Mr Gregory is made redundant when his Cumbernauld school is controversially closed (Angus Johnston).
High Neon - Tense build-up to the George Square Christmas Lights switch-on (Joe Stirling).
The Drapes of Wrath - thriller about curtains that shrunk when washed, and the Bearsden matron's revenge on the dry-cleaner (George Frier).
Meal for two at the splendid western Club for the best and a runner-up prize of the latest Diary book, Another Stoater.
STAND-UP Joe Heenan tells us: "I was talking to a woman named Imogen. I was hoping her surname was Allthepeople but it wasn't. Chances were slim."
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