NICOLA Sturgeon is the new First Minister.

One of her pals passed on this yarn: "My sister organised a party for my 40th birthday. I was not dealing well with my coming-of-age. Nicola and Peter turned up despite them both suffering with the flu. She does not like to let people down. Or perhaps she just had to see my face when she handed me my card. It was a 21st birthday card, but inside she'd stapled an 18th card and a 1st birthday card with the words 'so you see, Anne, sometimes the numbers DO add up'.

"I said she had a sense of humour - didn't say she was always funny!"

Referendum chat in US

TALKING of politics, Matt Vallance in Ayrshire tells us: "A cousin in Canada was on a recent trip to America when the border guard noticed he had been born in Glasgow. 'What do you think of the referendum?' the guard asked.

"My cousin's reply, 'Wrong result', did not get him barred from the USA, and kind of disproves the old theory that Americans don't know there is a world outside their borders."

Dad's not so clever

SCOTTISH fathers ... they do try their best. A reader on the train into Glasgow heard a teenager tell his pal: "My dad says he wants to take me to the pub on Saturday to celebrate my 18th birthday."

This sounded like an all-round good plan, until the lad added: "Should I tell him it's only my 17th birthday?"

Don't walk ... ever

OUR story about obeying traffic lights in Glasgow reminds Gerry Mackenzie: "I was one of several people trying to cross a busy street in New York and frustrated that motorists were blatantly ignoring traffic signals. A cop ambled over and counselled us, 'The red man light means you've no chance. The white man light means you takes your chance'. He flashed a smile and ambled off."

Strachan's preparations

THE Scotland-England game? Oh it was only a friendly, so doesn't matter. Nevertheless a reader felt the need to phone and tell us: "Scotland manager Gordon Strachan says he is already preparing for Euro 2016. He has bought himself a new TV."

Ain't that kind of huddle

A FAN who was at the match at Celtic Park passes on: "As the England team gathered in a pre-match huddle, the whistles and boos from the home support were deafening. One spectator asked, 'I thought they liked huddles around here?' "

Reading's not his thing

YES, folk are already discussing Christmas presents. A reader out in a Sauchiehall Street at lunchtime couldn't help overhear the young woman in front suggesting to her pal, who was looking for ideas, that she should get her boyfriend a book for his Christmas. "Nah," she replied. "He's already got a book."

Facebook fodder

WE often hear conversations where people discuss whether they should be on Facebook or Twitter. One of the best arguments we heard was in a Glasgow pub where a chap at the bar declared: "I don't put stuff on Facebook. It's more important for me to have a great time than it is for people to think I'm having one."

Here endeth the chapter

A COLLEAGUE interrupts us with: "My wife found out that I'd been moving her bookmark forward a few pages every night. She really lost the plot."