PHEW!

Crazy scenes at the big Tesco store at Silverburn on Friday as folk fought over a few tellies with some money off. A very Glasgow response from Jake Brown who remarked: "That video footage of folk in Silverburn scrapping for a telly is embarrassing. It would have been more dignified to steal it than fight women for it."

On the money

"I saw two women having a nice long chat at one of those 'female talking areas' in town earlier," said the chap in the Glasgow pub.

"Or an ATM machine as we people in the queue behind them call it.".

When Arthur was king

READERS are still fondly remembering sports commentator Arthur Montford who died last week. As Andy Cumming put it: "I always remember watching STV Sunday Scotsport with Arthur Monford in the 1970s, with my dad, on an old black-and-white DER TV with a small table-top aerial . We were never sure if it was interference or one of Arthur's famous dogtooth tweeds that was making the picture go funny."

Fast rider, fast wit

AND Norrie Christie reminds us Arthur commented not just on football. Recalls Norrie: "When speedway racing was introduced to Hampden Park in the late 1960s, Arthur, seeking views on the condition of the new track, asked the Edinburgh Monarchs' Bert Harkins 'How did you find the track, Bert?' 'I took the first on the left off the M8' was Bert's dry reply'."

Full of festive fun

STUART Miller in Linlithgow tells us: "I saw two women looking in a High Street shop window which was festooned with a hanging collection of letters intended to spell 'Merry Christmas'. Unfortunately the 'Y' had dropped off. The first woman said: 'It's less Christmas we want, no mair'."

A sharp reminder

WE'VE unravelled a few toilet-paper stories, and Jane McQueen recalls: "Often in a family there's one person who always draws the short straw.

"In my husband's family it was Uncle Bert. During the war his wife had the bright idea of cutting up her sewing patterns to eke out the stock of toilet paper. Uncle Bert was the one who got the pin."

Frank about credit

THE death of violent London criminal "Mad" Frankie Fraser reminds David Will in Milngavie of when Frankie in later life ran a Gangland Tour of London where, for £45 a head, he would take you to London's notorious crime sites including the Bling Beggar Pub of Kray Twins fame. Says David: "I did once contemplate taking the tour on a business trip to London, but on viewing the website found I had to give my credit card details to secure the booking. I thought better of it, deciding it was unwise to give any such details to a man who had spent 42 years as a guest of HM Prisons."

The price of age

SIGNS you are getting old, continued. A south side reader tells us he popped into a large toy store to purchase a birthday present for his grand-daughter, and thought a little keyboard priced at £12.36 was the very thing.

When the cashier rang up over twenty quid, he queried the price only to be told: "The card you were looking at explains it's suitable for children aged 12 - 36 months."