STIRRING News.

Sev Co, the director of Scottish football, has decided to herald the new season with an opening ceremony. There is a curiosity in that because he is doing this just before Scottish football closes down.

The timescale for preparations has been shortened because the project was rejected by several leading directors. Indeed, one porn mogul in California rebuffed the idea with a brisk: "I would never sink as low as to be involved in Scottish football."

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