I'm sure when Field Marshal Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington, KG, GCB, GCH, PC, FRS, took on Napoleon at Waterloo in an epic and decisive battle he thought one day they'll invent cars, then cones to control the traffic and if I beat this wee mad Frenchman, they will erect a huge statue and remember me in Glasgow, by throwing a red and white cone over my head.

By Thursday, I was expecting both Alex Salmond and Johann Lamont to have traffic cones on their heads at FMQs. Not in support of the wee drunk ned who placed the first cone over Wellington's head, but eager to be involved in the massive social media backlash.

It's a relatively new phenomenon this lighting strike reaction and immediate call to arms. These are the same people who get their phone out then insist on roaring I'M ON THE TRAIN, probably to no one, just to prove they're not an outsider, they're connected, man.

Politicians can't help but jump aboard any popular bandwagon, usually vacated by people shouting I'M ON THE BANDWAGON. I'm sure they couldn't believe the popularity and the speed in which the public engaged and will be hoping the same excitement is prevalent across the nation on September 18, 2014. 

The real story of course is the concept of people power and the strength of social media. There's been a long, really hilarious banter/tradition of political statue tampering in Glasgow. Donald Dewar's glasses on his statue were continually tweaked until someone suggested laser eye surgery. It's the same, comfy, gallus pure gem narrative. He might have beaten Napoleon in a square-go but never get above yer station. We deserve the right to treat you tae a cone. If it was me I'd prefer a double nougat.

If there were less Captain Mainwearing types in the council and maybe some with a bit more vision they could use the statue to promote art exhibitions. Imagine Glasgow waking up one morning to see my old pal Jim Lambie's art work all over the statue to advertise an exhibition?

It would be nice to walk by and see different things on it. Surprise us. Replica Big Yin Big Banana Boots, or a massive Tunnocks Tea Cake, maybe even a Monkey in a Suit, Harris Tweed, bespoke?

Apart from an irritating cone pun overload from journalists, none of whom used my favourite Arthur Cone N Doyle I was intrigued that most who picked up on the campaign on social media were middle class. All writers, performers, journalists and social commentators who found it all so endearingly captivating and wonderfully anecdotal. By the time Glasgow's Banksy, eh, Coney - by the time his message reached them, it was too late. It's supposed to be a wee cheeky ned acting wide and noising up authority, not a campaign to be right on.

If Scotland gains independence, according to a new report from an impartial forum, the Scottish Global Forum, wait impartial? So it's an independent forum on independence? The independent forum on independence has advised the Navy to go Danish. They estimate it would take around four Danish frigates built under license on the Clyde. If it's anything like the talent from Borgen I would vote for that and suggest they come in and take over Holyrood.

Don't despair though, I've a cunning plan for the military front. We've four boats and the one Edinburgh might be getting sold. It's an old rust bucket but here's what we do. We take HMS Edinburgh and fit that with the two mad Kelpies and it just sails around the coast of Scotland and the big crazy horses glow in the dark. No one will come near us. 'No, Anticlus, Aeimnestus, not the kingdom of magical horses…Let's go down a bit to England…'  

A rocky peak on Skye's Pinnacle Ridge (Knight's Ridge) is shorter than previously thought and no longer a Munro Top…Like Alistair Carmichael both have been cut down to size this week. In one case the sticklers for accuracy were the officious Monroe Society, the other SNP followers. You can't condone tweets from trolls and all that nonsense, however, you do get the impression that Mr Carmichael, the so called Bruiser, is maybe a bit delicate for the job. He's maybe been away too long. Hostility and a cone on yer head, it's what we do…What's wrong? It's only banter. Toughen up.

This week, I learned from Judith Ralston on BBC Radio Scotland, about a lazy wind. Ironically, I learned about it while walking in a Baltic, bracing, wind. It's called a lazy wind because it goes through you instead of around you…Kind of like (add your witty choice here) Alex Salmond/ Johann Lamont/ Ruth Davidson's voice…

On the same day that llegislation to hold the Scottish independence referendum was passed unanimously as law by Holyrood (just as well, I'm glad someone remembered) Alex Salmond was named The Herald Scottish Politician of the Year. He's the first politician to win the award three times in a row. Does he get to keep the trophy? Surely there should be an alternative awards for the year in politics? It could include awards like Political Scunner of the Year and worst soup stain on a tie/ blouse award. Maybe that's one for us here at Impolitic.