Born in Balornock and the co-creator of fictional Scottish city Burnistoun, Rab Florence likes to keep things local. But how is he at eating oysters by candlelight? This, and plenty of other tenuous links ahead, as HeraldScotland goes dining in the dark with the BBC Scotland actor.
Rab Florence has never eaten an oyster. He admits this without fear, but also without curiosity or any form of desire, as he squints at one in the dark of a restaurant's belly.
It feels prudent to point out that the squinting is a result of us dining in the dark at the Radisson Hotel rather than being because of any unsavoury sight issues, though dim light is admittedly a good way to hide pink eye. We are here for Earth Hour - a concept devised by WWF (they of panda fame) encouraging people around the world to switch off their lights once a year and conduct their evenings sans illumination, which is fine if you're a mole, and less so if you're not.
Almost 100 per cent non-mole, Florence, 37, began his comedy career as a script-writer for seminal sketch show Chewin' the Fat in 2009. After graduating to his hit series Burnistoun, a portmanteau of Glasgow areas Springburn and Dennistoun where he and fellow writer Iain Connell were respectively raised, the show ran for two years before finishing in 2012. It will return this summer in the form of a one-off programme aired on BBC Scotland, but Florence has turned his hand to myriad different creative mediums in the meantime, most prominently in the form of his film directional debut, House of Him, in 2014. Equally as artistically, he faced fellow actor Greg Hemphill in a comedy wrestling contest at the Kelvin Hall two years ago.
This kind of keen dexterity stands Florence in good stead when trying to lever molluscs into his mouth by the glow of a candle. Before the night we both researched previous dark dine-ins held in London and Tokyo and Paris, and acknowledge that Glasgow's version, what with its light, isn't exactly the black-out be-goggled experience we were expecting.
But we soldier on. Chefs and mixologists have worked in tandem to produce a five-course menu paired with complementary cocktails, and we as humble/hungry guinea pigs are not here to complain. Except during the parts we complain.
In honour of the sterling synergy our eating and drinking professionals have created with their menu, HeraldScotland has paired each course with a sage nugget of wisdom gleaned from Florence on the most important things of his life: food, work, death, and being beastly.
HeraldScotland and Rab Florence go dining in the dark
Pre-starter: oyster and passion fruit paired with Moscatel sweet wine
Rab Florence: "Oh God. I've never eaten an oyster. What's it like?"
HeraldScotland: "It's like the sea. Just do it."
RF: I'm just going to do it," *Eats oyster, quickly gulps it down* "It is like the sea."
Rab Florence on writing- "I'm from a family of roofers, and that's a hard job. It's dangerous, too. Even when they started bringing in laws to wear harnesses up roofs I still know people who died. And sometimes I have weeks when I'm writing and it's really tough, and it's not roofing or building houses, granted, but it's hard in different ways. It's no less difficult because of that."
First course: Medley of spring vegetables paired with a ginger, carrot and orange juice cocktail
HS: "This is alright. In fact, it's better than all right. I mean, it'd be better if I was eating it with goggles and spooning it into my hair all the time, but it's not bad."
RF: "You enjoyed that! Look - there's nothing left on your plate!"
Rab Florence on food- "My last supper would be pickled onion monster munch. And a curry would be involved. The kind I remember from a Balti House when I was wee. You could taste the tang of the flavour, almost metallic. A metallic curry, aye. That'll be right."
Sea course: Salmon confit, Jerusalem artichoke, scallop tartar and garden herbs paired withMt Difficulty Chardonnay
RF:"I've never had a langoustine before either. Make sure you put that in, that I've not had one. Makes me sound like a man of the people."
HS:"Consider it done."
RF:"Oh I like that. That's nice."
Rab Florence on… comedians:"They hate it too, you know. You don't enjoy standing there in front of so many people like that. As well, the optimum audience for a gig like that is a couple of thousand people, max. I was talking to Kevin Bridges about this and he said that in those huge auditorium gigs you lose the reaction and it's hard to gauge what's going on. Laughter echoes and comes back to you too late if the venue's too big so you hear too late whether something's gone down well or not."
Land course: Slow cooked venison loin, cured ham and white asparagus paired witha bacon infused bourbon old-fashioned with orange, bitters and maple syrup
HS:"It's got pork scratchings round the rim. Pork scratchings, Rab. It's got pork scratchings where salt should be. Like a beefy margarita. A bargarita."
RF:"… Wow."
HS:"Well, it's different. Isn't it different? It says on the menu here that it's an unorthodox experience. *Left eye twitches slightly*
Rab Florence on… his directing debut, in the film House of Him- "I'm pleased with it. It's a lot of dialogue because I can't write descriptively as well as writing dialogue. It cost about £1,000 to make - most feature films cost about a million - so yes, I'm pleased with it."
Sweet course: Deconstructed rhubarb crumble and custard paired with a bramble cocktail
HS: "This is great. Why do people want to deconstruct things, though? What's wrong with keeping them constructed? That said, this cocktail is amazing. It tastes like a summer's day in a Hyndland garden.
RF: "I can only just about taste the pork scratchings now."
Rab Florence on social norms - "Sometimes I just want to be beastly. You know, like just say the things everyone else is thinking and you're thinking too but you can't because of social constraints. Would it be so bad if you did? I want to use my wit for evil. Mr Beastly. I like that."
Rab Florence will be appearing in BBC Scotland's Burnistoun's Big Night, which will air this summer.
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