Alan Ritchie

Died: June 11, 2015.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh,

Somewhere ages and ages hence,

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less travelled by,

And that made all the difference."

Robert Frost composed these lines about suicide. Catastrophic devastation and loss has entered many lives following the death of Alan Ritchie, who took his own life at Lockerbie Railway Station on June 11th.

Alan was born in Troon in 1984 to Frank and Liz Ritchie. His dad was a staff trainer with Glasgow Council and his mum was in primary education. He was a wee brother to his sister Nicola, who was four years older.

Alan had a normal, happy childhood, developing an early passion for many sports, particularly football. He was a star player for Troon Thistle boy's team and continued his enthusiasm for the game all his life. He was devastated at Christmas 1996, when his mother and father separated, and it was at that time that the seeds of depression and anxiety were sown.

In 1997, he was chosen for the schoolboy squad of Kilmarnock Football Club, having had trials for a number of other teams including Rangers and Celtic. He always preferred playing football rather than being a spectator, and became frustrated at having to frequently "sit on the bench." Consequently he returned to play for Valspar youth team under the inspirational leadership of the late Rab Glendinning.

During his teenage years, Alan lived his life according to the highest standards and expectations set by himself and his family. He kept himself "match fit," by following a rigorous regime of exercise and jogging with his beloved wee dog Shearer, named after his football hero Alan Shearer.

He excelled academically, gaining a place at Herriot Watt University to study actuarial maths. It was at this time that the pressures of university life and study, combined with personal pressures, accelerated feelings of self doubt and an anxiety about the future direction of his life. He changed course at the end of two years to study pure maths.

He began to develop a yearning to help society by joining the teaching profession. Perhaps he began to realise that the pursuit of happiness was the gateway to success and not the other way round.

He graduated with honours, however decided to experience some "gap time," by exploring different work options. A number of jobs brought no happiness or success, and he required medication and therapy to address his continuing fears. He completed football coaching projects for young people, travelling to California and twice to Ukraine.

In 2009, he decided to work abroad and secured a temporary contract in Laval in France, teaching English to primary school children. While there, he met Alicia, a Mexican girl, who was working as an intern for a French fashion house. Alan and Alicia were very happy together, and spent some time working in Paris.

His dad Frank with his wife Maureen visited the couple in Paris and declared that Alan displayed many characteristics of contentment and happiness. Alas, this was not to last as the pressure to develop a "career," caused Alan to return to Scotland to complete a postgraduate qualification as a secondary maths teacher.

Alicia returned to Mexico City and the difficulties of a long distance romance resulted in Alan and Alicia parting. Alan's mental health challenges continued, although he worked hard at managing his health, and gained his postgraduate qualification. He travelled to Keith to begin his probationary year, although ill health forced him to resign at the end of the first term, and again the following year.

Alan knew that work itself was a form of therapy, and he worked part time in a confectionary business in Troon . He would travel to Glasgow to assist in a food kitchen for homeless people. He also was a volunteer for a church in Troon.

In 2012, he decided to join the Samye-Ling Buddhist community near Lockerbie, where his dad already had a long association. He worked hard, embracing many activities that little community offered, and he became a much loved and respected member of that community.

Alan wrote, "I find myself living in a monastic place of learning. I will probably never get a better chance to understand and get to know myself throughout the course of my life.

"So what will help me grasp this opportunity? Perhaps most importantly, work on re-opening my attitude. Be non-judgemental without exception. Seize and look for lessons, teachings and people to learn from. And finally, work. Work harder than ever at being me. Not many get an opportunity like this. I am going to take mine."

Many hours were spent in his dad's company, at his home in Lockerbie, and at Samye-Ling. During Alan's free time, and perhaps for the first time, a very deep father and son bond had the time to develop.

Now and again, Alan and Frank would recall happier times together. Playing dominoes for chocolate squares. Golfing on Arran. Trying to beat each other at table tennis. Playing the "Puggies" in Troon Amusement Arcade. Travelling south to watch Blackburn Rovers. Skiing in Kitzbuhl. A trip to London to see The Terracotta Warriors. Karaoke at family parties in Lockerbie. Treacle scones from Greggs. Fishing off Troon Harbour. Criticising his dad's attempts at producing artwork, resulting in much laughter. Attending Edinburgh Festival events. Air guitar to Thin Lizzy at Frank and Maureen's wedding celebrations.

Following Alan's death a close mutual friend at Samye-Ling wrote to Frank to say, "I admired Alan's capacity to be with his pain and not shy away from it, even though, in the end, he seemed overwhelmed by it. Although we would wish for him a longer life, in truth, he is with all of those whose lives he touched. I for one, was inspired by his honesty, and grateful for it, and will take from it the aspiration to be more honest with myself and to bring that on to the path, as, like the rest of us, I try to make sense of this seemingly crazy world in which we exist, and of my own place in it.

"His gentleness and thoughtfulness and genuine goodness also stood out for me. I saw Alan as a genuine seeker, and uncompromising in his search, qualities which I know I need to develop in order to be of greater benefit to others."

When Alan killed himself he left a body behind. He left broken hearts behind, and, of course, there was always the question - Why? Alan did not leave behind a why? For some years he had talked about wanting to take his own life, and he knew how troubled and tormented he was, as we all knew.

Particularly, in his final months, Alan did not enjoy his life. He endured his life. He cut all ties with family and friends, as he felt ashamed at the person he had become. In his final weeks, his physical health deteriorated, as his mental health problems escalated. He kept himself just beyond the reach of himself and of those trying to help him. On behalf of Alan, his dad Frank wishes to thank all who walked with Alan on his life's journey.

Following the suicide of her son, Libby Purvis wrote, "He stayed as long as he could." And so it was with Alan. There is no doubt, in the minds of over two hundred people who attended Alan's funeral, that he left "footprints" of loving kindness and compassion for all who knew him.

Alan is survived by his father Frank, his mother Liz, his sister Nicola, his nephew Luke and his niece Orla.

This piece of writing by Robert Burns was found with Alan's possessions;

"Nae treasures nor pleasures

Can make us happy lang

The hearts aye the part aye

That makes us richt or wrang

Catch the moments as they fly

Use them as you aught man

Believe me, happiness is shy

It comes not aye one sort man

Live for now

For its all ye know."

To the best and bravest son a father could ever have. I love you Alan. Always did. Always will. Dad.

Frank Ritchie