Hello and welcome to The Midge, the e-bulletin that takes a bite out of politics in Scotland and elsewhere.
Front pages
In The Herald, political correspondent Daniel Sanderson says the draft referendum bill, published by the Scottish Government yesterday, indicates Spring 2018 could be the earliest indyref2 is held.
The Mail says Theresa May has “slapped down” calls for another independence referendum by saying FM Nicola Sturgeon has no mandate to hold another vote.
The National asks: “Where’s YOUR mandate, Prime Minister?”
The Daily Record says Mrs May’s approach is “pushing” Scotland in the direction of independence.
In the Evening Times, Stacey Mullen reports that the family of a 22-year-old man whose body was recovered from the River Kelvin have made a complaint about the police investigation into the death.
The Express reports on a Royal College of Nursing study which predicts a crisis ahead caused by a lack of new recruits and an ageing workforce.
In the Times, council leader Frank McAveety calls for devolution for Glasgow, with the city given the right to deal directly with the UK government.
The Telegraph reports on the tenth woman to claim Donald Trump groped her. Karena Virginia alleges the incident took place at the US Open tennis in 1998. The Trump campaign has called such claims in the past “fiction”.
The FT pictures Theresa May arriving for her first EU leaders summit. European Council president Donald Tusk said it would be like entering "a nest of doves".
Camley’s Cartoon
Camley finds Donald Trump receiving a little help from his friends.
FFS: Five in five seconds
What’s the story? After another week of trading ugly barbs, jocularity has broken out among the candidates to be US president.
You mean Donald Trump saying he will accept the result “If I win”? The jury is still out on whether that was a joke. President Obama doesn’t think so, describing as “dangerous” Trump’s earlier declaration in the televised debate that he would wait and see whether he accepted the result.
Donald Trump has told supporters at a rally in Ohio that he will accept the result of the US election 'if I win' - https://t.co/tqtbljX8UF pic.twitter.com/dPSUVf8zLb
— ITV News (@itvnews) October 20, 2016
Where did this new outbreak of humour happen? At the Al Smith dinner in New York, an annual event for Catholic charities helping help children in need. Trump started off well. “We have proven that we can actually be civil to each other,” he said. “In fact just before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me - and she very civilly said, ‘Pardon me’. And I very politely replied, ‘Let me talk to you about that after I get into office’. Just kidding, just kidding.” But his best joke was aimed at wife Melania. See below.
And Clinton’s? Zinger one: Touching on the health scare stories about her, she said: “Donald really is as healthy as a horse. You know, the one Vladimir Putin rides around on.” Zinger two: “Donald wanted me drug tested before the debate. And look, I got to tell you, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer. Now, actually, I did. It's called preparation”. Zinger three: “People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. "Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a ‘four’. Maybe a ‘five’ - if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair."
Everyone went home pally and happy? Alas, no. When he turned his attention to Hillary, things got too personal for the audience. He said: “We've learned so much from WikiLeaks. For example, Hillary believes that it is vital to deceive the people by having one public policy and a totally different policy in private.” At this point the audience started to boo. “I don't know who they're angry at, Hillary, you or I? For example, here she is tonight in public, pretending the not to hate Catholics.”
Back to business as usual then …
Afore Ye Go
"There has not been a call.”
Downing Street is asked if UK ministers would reject a call to grant a section 30 order, allowing indyref2, after a draft bill for a second independence referendum was published yesterday. Gordon Terris/The Herald/PA Wire
"It's inconceivable that the Tory Government would not grant a section 30 order. They need to respect Scotland, and the Prime Minister said she would do that.”
Scottish Constitution Secretary Derek MacKay. Gordon Terris/The Herald/PA Wire
“I see Green as a billionaire spiv, a billionaire spiv who should never have received a knighthood, a billionaire spiv who has shamed British capitalism, and the least we can do today is to make our views clear and strong.”
Labour MP David Winnick on Sir Philip Green, above. MPs yesterday recommended that the former BHS owner be stripped of his knighthood. PA Wire
“An agitated Humpty Dumpty”.
Tory MP Richard Graham’s description of Ian Blackford after the SNP MP intervened in the Green debate to accuse the government of not doing enough to combat "corporate irresponsibility".
“The deployment of the carrier group to the eastern Mediterranean does not inspire confidence that Russia is working towards a political solution to the conflict in Syria.”
A Nato official as the Royal Navy monitored a Russian taskforce headed towards Syria. Dez Wade/MoD/Crown Copyright/PA Wire
Ah the Kelvinhall gym. Does your gym have a 'no drunken behaviour' sign?
— Denise Mina (@DameDeniseMina) October 20, 2016
Mine does
Crime writer Denis Mina reflects on local health and fitness mores.
"I'm becoming a master of diplomacy, as you know, and nothing would induce me to pass any comment whatsoever about the American elections.”
Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, above with US Secretary of State John Kerry. Justin Tallis - WPA Pool /Getty Images
A stray kitten finds its way in off the street and into a TV news studio in Denizli, Turkey. Should BBC Reporting Scotland try this to boost viewing figures?
.@piersmorgan Donald may give u a job in the white house,They love posh Brits.Uniformed toilet attendant. Morning sir had a good clear out ?
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) October 20, 2016
Busy week for broadcaster Piers Morgan on the feud front. But he seems to be coping:
He did tell me he'd have you banned from America if he wins.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) October 20, 2016
Almost enough to make me vote for him. https://t.co/gFUiVEAmPP
Thanks for reading. See you Monday. Twitter: @alisonmrowat
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