BELEAGUERED Transport Minister Humza Yousaf is keeping a sense of humour as he flails with ScotRail, we see. He was recently chided for telling MSPs the SNP was “elected on a manifesto pledge” to merge British Transport Police and Police Scotland. Labour’s Richard Leonard pointed out the SNP manifesto said no such thing. Humza has issued a correction saying the SNP “stood on a platform” instead. Just like thousands of delayed commuters.
EXCITING news about the SNP’s famously hustings-phobic Fulton ‘No Show’ MacGregor. It seems the elusive Coatbridge MSP will make a rare public outing today for the SNP’s national independence survey. Those wishing to glimpse Holyrood’s answer to the snow leopard should tiptoe to Coatdyke Indoor Bowling Club at 1.30pm. “Please share the details of this and ask friends and family to come along,” No Show has emailed colleagues. Happy to oblige!
IT’S bros with mos month at Holyrood, as MSPs of all parties sprout vast plumes of facial hair for the Movember charity. In the past, LibDem Liam McArthur and Nat Bob Doris have both had shocking mousers. But Unspun feels this year’s unofficial winner may well be Tory toff Edward Mountain, who luxurious tache is a cross between a weather-beaten cowboy and a 1970s porn star. Is it any wonder they’re already calling him Brokeback Mountain?
TALKING of Tories, Ruth Davidson’s car crash performance at FMQs on Thursday, when she struck one duff note after another, has been dominating the Holyrood steamie. We knew she wanted to be leader of the Official Opposition. We didn't think she meant Jeremy Corbyn.
NICOLA Sturgeon’s annual Q&A before committee conveners had plenty of surreal moments. Labour’s Johann Lamont raised the “eclectic nature” of the subjects brought before Holyrood’s public petitions committee. “I’ve resisted the temptation to let you show us how much you know about sea lice.” At which the FM whipped on her specs and plunged into her notes. “Well, actually….” Ms Lamont then deadpanned: “That was why I was going to resist it.”
AFTER a brief detour into health matters, the infestation returned to the conversation as Ms Lamont ended her contribution. “I’ll leave the sea lice for later," she said. "I'm disappointed," sighed Ms Sturgeon. Chair Christine Grahame joined in. “If only we had time. We’re all intrigued,” she said. “Are we getting onto beavers though? That’s what I want to know,” laughed the FM. “No!” said Ms Grahame very firmly. Lice and beavers - never a good combo.
THOSE nostalgic for New Labour control freakery in the age of Corbyn can rest easy, Unspun can reveal. Scottish Labour spindoctor Alan ‘Roden of Iron’ Roden is so disciplined / wound up, that he refuses to let himself sneeze. “I just can’t do it,” he tells us. “I hold it in, then see stars in front of my eyes.” Alas, the superhuman effort is not helping his tough guy image. Colleagues report the result is invariably a bizarre, Bambi-esque “Tchrk!” noise.
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