BASH of the week was the Presiding Officer’s Burns Supper, when Ken Macintosh hosted the capital’s consular corps at Holyrood. In his address to the lassies, Labour’s Neil Findlay called sparring partner Annie Wells a “working class lesbian ex-shop worker Tory Celtic-supporter from Glasgow”, and said the PO would need to find a dodo if he wanted anything rarer. To which, Ms Wells replied: “Did Neil say dodo or dildo? Anyway, I don’t need either of them.”

AT least it got a laugh, unlike some of the Tory MSP’s other efforts. Like noting Scots men had come a long way since Burns’s day. “Some of them even take their socks off before having sex,” she said, before turning to the PO: “Ken, is that you?” Cue one very awkward silence.

NAT Emma Harper also held a debate celebrating the bard and the Scots language, tabling a motion on the importance of the “scrievin doon o the Scots leid fur tae mak siccar its bidin throu scrievit documentation”, or writing down the Scots language "to ensure its continuation through written documentation”. Ms Harper should know. When she was sworn in as an MSP last year, she tried to take her oath in Scots, but failed because there was no card to read from. Incapable of mustering the lingo herself, she had to do it in English.

PERHAPS it was excitement over the Supreme Court ruling, but a Tory staffer accidentally emailed most of Holyrood on Tuesday asking for an electronic version of his party's logo. “Does anyone have this?” he pleaded. Quick as a flash, the SNP’s Christina McKelvie responded, “Hi, they changed the symbol recently so here is the new one” and helpfully attached a copy of... the SNP logo.

RUM goings on in Wednesday’s budget debate, as MSPs began calling each other silly names, which is our job. Tory Murdo Fraser started it, with Green “Patsy Harvie, the man there to do the SNP’s bidding” and “Willing Willie” Rennie of the LibDems. Mr Harvie sniffed at the “rather pathetic name-calling”, but Mr Rennie replied in kind with “Machete Murdo”. Children!

MURDO also featured in a bizarre edict issued by Deputy PO Linda Fabiani. “Mr Fraser,” she sighed, “would you please keep your voice down when you’re shouting from a sedentary position? If you must shout, could you please shout out in whispers?” When Murdo’s official turn to speak arrived, she advised him drily: “You have seven minutes of shouting, Mr Fraser.”

FINALLY, Labour leader Kezia Dugdale was on blistering form as she laid into Derek Mackay over council cuts. Alas, she then jumped the shark by taking credit for a movie icon’s new roof. “T2 Trainspotting is a first-class film, with fantastic cinematography,” she gushed. “Just how beautiful Edinburgh is shines through it. Spud’s new house is in the grounds of Craigmillar castle. Craigmillar has been regenerated by the Labour Party!” Whatever next? Scottish Labour taking credit for getting ET home or killing that big shark?