Right city, wrong location

WE feel quite touched when the media in London show an interest in Glasgow. This week Chris Ship, the deputy political editor at ITV News, put a picture of an almost empty George Square on social media and commented: “It would be wrong to say the Stop Trump protests are well attended everywhere. This is Glasgow a few minutes ago.”

It’s a shame no one told him the anti-Trump protest was actually taking place in Buchanan Street.

A gilded response

SAD to hear that singer David Cassidy has dementia. We remember when he appeared in Glasgow 14 years ago, a woman of a certain age threw a red thong which hit him in the face. He then swung it around his head and fired it back at her.

But when he got hit by a second pair he was less amused, looked at them, and announced: “I don’t do gold lame for anyone love.’’

Glass half empty

RELATIONSHIP worries continued. A female reader in Hyndland tells us: “Whenever I hear that two people I know are going out with each other, I immediately start worrying about whose side I’ll be on when they break up.”

High premium

CONGRATULATIONS to Professor Ian Boyd, former director of St Andrews University’s sea mammal research centre, on being awarded the Polar Medal by The Queen in recognition of his research in Antarctica.

Prof Boyd, who spent 12 summers in Antarctica’s snowy wastes, once admitted that he worked there with big, dangerous animals which could cripple or kill him in an unguarded moment. As he put it: “When my wife enquired about life insurance for me the broker just laughed.”

Smart reply

A READER phones to reminisce with us about his time working in a factory in Glasgow. He said he was always impressed by a colleague who had a poor attendance record, but didn’t let it bother him. When he came in one day and his boss said to him: “You missed your shift yesterday,” he merely replied: “Not particularly.”

Pity the poor immigrant

THE latest Trump news was that he played a round of golf with top Irish player Rory McIlroy the other day. Some folk were upset Rory played with the President, and Belfast comedian Tim McGarry suggested: “Hint to Rory McIlroy – next time Donald Trump asks you to play golf, tell him you’re a refugee from a country renowned for terrorism.”

Keeping it in the family

A READER tells us about the loudmouth in the Glasgow bar at the weekend who told his pals: “Every woman says she wants to be treated like a princess. But then she gets upset when you try to marry her off to your most powerful ally.”

On the line WE noticed that a colleague who likes to interrupt us is on a day off. Good stuff.

But then the phone rings, and he’s on the line to tell us: “I’m looking out my tenement window and there’s a neighbour struggling to hang out his washing, and he’s pointing at me and swearing.

“I’m going to take him down a peg or two.”