EQUALITY at last! It turns out female politicians are just as petty about turf as male ones. When Theresa May came north last week, Nicola Sturgeon offered to meet her at Bute House. PM said No. Then the FM offered government offices. PM said No. Finally, the PM picked a tiny, cramped room 15 floors up a Glasgow hotel. And in so doing chose a venue forever known as the scene of an alleged romp featuring Tommy Sheridan and a couple of good time grannies. Really should have gone with Bute House...

THAT other Tory diplomat, Ruth Davidson, was on BBC Question Time on Thursday. Fresh from telling the FM to “Sit down!” at Holyrood, the Scottish Tory leader turned her unique charm on Labour’s Lisa Nandy, suggesting she could replace Jeremy Corbyn. “Lisa, for God’s sake love, do something about it and get in there,” yelled Ruth. “That’s the sort of ringing endorsement I need like a hole in the head,” groaned an appalled Ms Nandy.

HE makes an unlikely Easter Bunny, but Scottish Labour spindoctor Alan Roden has been bounding round Holyrood bearing gifts. In the forlorn hope of positive coverage over recess, Roddo came up with the wheeze of distributing chocolate eggs to the media pack. Alas, critics immediately noted they were hollow and unappetising, not unlike his party.

THE Scottish Government’s top mandarin, Permanent Secretary Leslie Evans, has some new bedtime reading: a copy of Wake Up And Dream gifted to her by author Peter Shaw. The book is touted as “a practical guide to daring and imaginative daydreaming” for management types. By using “dreaming as a means of gaining deeper self-knowledge”, you too can “turn dreams into exciting new realities” apparently. She’s on £180k a year, you know.

NOT that we’re conspiracy theorists, but we did raise an eyebrow at Holyrood slipping out the latest MSP expenses on Article 50 day. Also a tad paranoid it seems - sorry, careful - is Alex Salmond, who claimed almost £500 for professional document shredding after he departed for Westminster. Sadly, we fear the sequel to The Dream Shall Never Die escaped unharmed.

RED faces for the Scottish Greens after the pious politicos fell foul of election watchdogs. The party had applied to run candidates under the banners “A Green Voice for Aberdeen” and “A Green Voice for Aberdeenshire”. The Commission rejected both descriptions as “likely to mislead voters as to the effect of their vote”. Doubly embarrassing, at the same time the Commission formally approved the name of the new Ayrshire-based “Rubbish Party”.

AT least the Greens can take a joke. After they struck a budget deal with the SNP, its MSPs were denounced as “lentil-munching sandal-wearing watermelons” by Tory provocateur Murdo Fraser. In tribute, a large watermelon-shaped cushion has appeared outside the Green offices in parliament. “We’re embracing the whole watermelon thing,” a Green mole tells Unspun. Presumably it's even easier for the SNP to sit on them too.