WHEN it comes to the end of a relationship, it's usually a cheating partner or endless arguments that are assumed to be the most common reasons for breaking up. But a major study has revealed the most frequent explanation for a split is simply 'growing apart'.

Around four out of ten men and women - that's 40% - cited 'growing apart' as one of the reasons for the collapse of a live-in relationship. Arguments were the next most common cause, followed by unfaithfulness and a lack of respect or appreciation.

The survey also found the average length of a marriage was around 14 years and for cohabiting relationships it was around four years.

When it comes to differences between the genders, women are far more likely to say their partner is not doing their fair share of the housework and to say that contributed to the breakup.

Study co-author Dr Kirstin Mitchell, a senior research fellow at the Social and Public Health Sciences Unit at Glasgow University, said: “We were struck by the extent to which communication between partners seems to be a key issue. Overall it is interesting that the primary reasons relate to relationship quality and communication and are less about the practical sides of relationships, like financial issues and the sharing of household tasks.”

The study, which has been published in the Public Library of Science journal PLOS One, used data from Britain’s third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles to examine the reasons for relationship breakdowns which had happened in the past five years.

The study found failing to share enough housework was given as a reason by 20% of women who had been married and 11% of women who had been living with a partner. For married men the figure was 8%, and 6% for men who had been cohabiting.

Mitchell said: “It is still an issue and it is disappointing that, particularly in married relationships, not sharing household tasks is reported as a reason for break up by far more women than men.

“This is despite significant change in the numbers of women working outside the home. But expectations are also likely to have changed, so there might be a greater expectation of equality in sharing the burden of those domestic jobs and duties.

"There may be differences across genders in perceptions – while one partner feels household tasks are being equally shared, the other one might take a different view.”

Other common reasons given for a breakup in the past five years included having different interests or nothing in common, cited by 20% of women and 17% of men, and money problems, given as a reason by 16% of women and 11% of men.

Sexual difficulties were cited as a reason by 9% of previously married men and 11% of previously married women. The equivalent figure for men who had been living with their partner was 3% and for women it was just under 4%.

Mitchell suggested that communication issues were an underlying factor in many of the reasons given for the ending of a relationship, such as lack of respect and appreciation for a partner.

“It’s about forgetting to tell your partner little things like appreciating they have done the dishes,” she said. “It is easy to forget that people need to feel appreciated and respected.

“Some of this we could possibly address at earlier stages before people enter long term relationships.

“For instance personal and social education (PSE) classes should talk to young people about how to identify healthy and unhealthy relationships, so they can recognise starting out what is a good relationship.”

Stuart Valentine, chief executive of charity Relationships Scotland, which provides services such as counselling and family mediation, said the new report added to the wealth of research in this area.

He added: “'Growing apart’ is often mentioned as key reason behind the breakdown of modern relationships. The reality is that there is no clear, single answer to precisely what this means. Communication is certainly a key part of strong relationships, and breakdown of communication is a serious cause for concern, but it is by no means the whole picture.

“Relationships that endure tend to be couples who are prepared to change and flex with the relationship as it develops over time.”

Mitchell also said it was a concern that domestic violence was still an issue. The figures found around 16% of women who were married or cohabiting reported domestic violence as a reason for the end of a relationship, compared to around 6% of married men and just under 3% of men living with a partner.

REASONS FOR BREAKING UP

Men (married)

Grew apart - 41.7%

Arguments - 26.1%

Unfaithfulness/adultery - 24.5%

Lack of respect/appreciation - 22%

Different interests/nothing in common - 17.6%

Move because of a change in circumstances - 2.2%

Money problems - 11%

Not sharing enough housework - 8.1%

Difficulty with sex - 9.4%

Domestic violence - 5.7%

Not having child - 1.7%

Men (cohabited)

Grew apart - 38.5%

Arguments - 27.5%

Unfaithfulness/adultery - 15.5%

Lack of respect/appreciation - 15.2%

Different interests/nothing in common - 11.6%

Move because of a change in circumstances - 9.9%

Money problems - 5.8%

Not sharing enough housework - 6.3%

Difficulty with sex - 3%

Domestic violence - 2.8%%

Not having child - 2.5%

Women (married)

Grew apart - 41%

Arguments - 27.4%

Unfaithfulness/adultery - 30.2%

Lack of respect/appreciation - 32.4%

Different interests/nothing in common - 20.5%

Move because of a change in circumstances - 2.4%

Money problems - 16.3%

Not sharing enough housework - 21.2%

Difficulty with sex - 11.6%

Domestic violence - 16%

Not having child - 0.9%

Women (cohabited)

Grew apart - 33.2%

Arguments - 31.7%

Unfaithfulness/adultery - 20.5%

Lack of respect/appreciation - 21.2%

Different interests/nothing in common - 13.5%

Move because of a change in circumstances - 6.5%

Money problems - 9.8%

Not sharing enough housework - 11.2%

Difficulty with sex - 3.8%

Domestic violence - 15.5%

Not having child - 1.9%