CORBYNISTA Labour MSP Neil Findlay is fond of fiery rhetoric, but even he managed to surprise a union reception he hosted in Holyrood last week. If a relative was denied a motability vehicle, he might burn down the benefits assessment centre in Glasgow, he said. Even the comrades thought this extreme, and reminded him of that other pyro-politician Lord Mike Watson, who was jailed for trying to ignite a hotel. So put those matches down, Mr F.

THE Tories’ council manifesto was full of righteous anger about the SNP hogging power. “Scotland is becoming one of the most centralised countries in the Western world… Power is delivered in a top-down manner…We need to reverse these trends.” But not yet, it seems. It was launched by Ruth Davidson and three MSPs, with not a council candidate in sight.

MIND you, best not to advertise the two Tory candidates in Shetland. One has deserted the campaign to go on holiday, while the other, a chap known as Skerries Tom, is urging people not to vote for him and blaming a “cock-up” for being on the ballot paper. It started with a phone call on a crackly line from “buggers doon sooth”, he told the Shetland Times, after which he unexpectedly found himself nominated. Ain’t democracy grand!

THE Scottish LibDems were terribly excited by the announcement of a snap election, as they imagined hordes of Remain voters flooding their way. But few seemed as elated as Holyrood press officer Max Sefton, who took to Twitter with a potential campaign slogan. “A chance to change the direction of our country. Here we f***ing go!” We hear HQ has politely declined.

TALKING of LibDems, perma-grinned MSP Alex Cole-Hamilton agreed to put his name to a new Holyrood group on Freedom of Religion to ensure its registration. Alas, the favour was not returned. The official application listed him as “Alex Cole-Hamilton (Conservative)”. Whoever filled in the form is evidently less omniscient than the group’s main subject.

MORE fun and games in Lanarkshire SNP, where the ‘Monklands McMafia’ clan are up to their old tricks. McMafioso Michael Coyle has managed to get his mugshot on three leaflets in Airdrie South - his SNP running mate Paul Di Mascio’s, his own, and his wife’s, even though his wife is standing as an Independent in the ward. It all helps Mr Coyle, but shafts Mr Di Mascio. We hear relations between him and the Coyles are now rather less than fraternal.

THE Coyles’ daughter Sophia is also in the family politics business, re-standing for the SNP in Airdrie North. A sheriff last week threw out a case in which Ma and Pa Coyle claimed they’d be terrified by another councillor, but Sophia isn’t letting it drop, posting a voice message on Facebook she says was a death threat from the man’s pal. In it, a woman declares “Sophia Coyle? Ahm gonna kick yer f***in’ heid in”. But as it’s Airdrie, that could also count as hello.