IRONY overload on Wednesday as Jeremy Corbyn preached unity in Brighton as the Scottish Labour leadership contest turned into a blood-soaked knife fest. If that wasn’t enough, as the BBC’s Brian Taylor delivered his live verdict on the feud from the Holyrood garden, Tory Margaret Mitchell hosted a special event nearby. Its title? “Respectful political dialogues”. We understand neither Alex Rowley or Jackie Baillie were present.

THERE was a priceless moment on Radio Scotland as the civil war was debated. “Apparently there has been a plot to unseat Kezia Dugdale according to Jackie Baillie,” said former Scottish Labour spin doctor Paul Sinclair. “I don’t see it as much of a plot, but Jackie has been involved in so many leadership plots over the years we should possibly defer to her experience.” Claws like razors, that lad.

ANAS Sarwar has insisted throughout the race he has nothing to do with his family’s controversial cash and carry, other than collect juicy dividends down the years. Strange, then, that several Youtube videos show him holding court in a swanky office there, working on both his 2016 Holyrood campaign and this year’s Glasgow council election. Doubtless use of the facilities has been fully declared on all electoral paperwork.

KEEN to avoid Labour-like feuds, North Lanarkshire Council is enforcing fun. “Following the success of the lunchtime activity session at Strathclyde Country Park,” chief executive Paul Jukes emailed councillors presumptuously, “I propose to hold a further ‘get to know’ each other event at the Hollywood Bowl, Ten Pin Bowling, in Coatbridge.” Referring to recent horse-trading, he asked people to confirm “as soon as possible so we can negotiate a deal, if possible”. Get it? It sounds unbearably hilarious.

AS the UK conference season winds down, the Scottish one is cranking up, starting with the SNP next week. But wait! What’s this? With just days to go, tens of thousands of pounds of sponsorship, business passes and dinner tables remain unsold, including £19,000 to get your name on the conference lanyards. And the SNP love lanyards. We fear party boss Pete Murrell may have some explaining to do to his missus, one N Sturgeon.

BREATHTAKING guff award goes to millionaire Tory aristo Alexander Burnett, erstwhile MSP for Aberdeenshire West. Landed Sandy racked up another code of conduct breach this week after failing to declare an interest in his £40m business empire when tabling parliamentary questions about a planning application one of his firms objected to. The verdict showed he argued that as no director or “close family member” objected there was no foul. Ethics watchdogs then pointed out that, er, Mr Burnett actually owned the company outright.

THE latest MSP expenses were full of the usual malarkey, like taxis for the short hop between Waverley station and Holyrood, and the 20p-a-mile allowance for cycling. Another perk is the “annual report”, a taxpayer-funded plug MSPs can send to constituents. The year’s biggest bill, of £3934, was claimed by Tory Oliver Mundell for 37,000 copies - less than six months after he was elected. Not bad for an annual report. He’s clearly learned a thing or two from dad, Scottish Secretary David Mundell.